Why ethel changed motels

(sorry it's in CAPS, but that's how my mom sent it to me, and I wasn't gonna re-type it..)

LAST WEEK, ETHEL CHECKED INTO A MOTEL ON HER 60TH BIRTHDAY AND SHE WAS A

BIT LONELY. SHE THOUGHT, "I'LL CALL ONE OF THOSE MEN YOU SEE ADVERTISED IN PHONE BOOKS FOR

ESCORTS AND SENSUAL MASSAGES."

SHE LOOKED THROUGH THE PHONE BOOK, FOUND A FULL PAGE AD FOR

A GUYCALLING HIMSELF TENDER TONY - A VERY HANDSOME MAN WITH ASSORTED

PHYSICAL SKILLS FLEXING IN THE PHOTO. HE HAD ALL THE RIGHT

MUSCLES IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES, THICK WAVY HAIR, LONG POWERFUL LEGS, DAZZLING

SMILE, SIX-PACK ABS, AND SHE FELT QUITE CERTAIN SHE COULD BOUNCE A

QUARTER OFF HIS WELL OILED BUM....

SHE FIGURED, WHAT THE HECK, NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW. I'LL GIVE HIM A CALL..

"GOOD EVENING, MA'AM, HOW MAY I HELP YOU”?

OH MY, HE SOUNDED SOOO SEXY! AFRAID SHE WOULD LOSE HER NERVE IF SHE

HESITATED, SHE RUSHED RIGHT IN,

"HI, I HEAR YOU GIVE A GREAT MASSAGE. I'D LIKE YOU TO COME TO MY MOTEL

ROOM AND GIVE ME ONE.

NO, WAIT, I SHOULD BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. I'M IN TOWN ALL ALONE AND WHAT I REALLY

WANT IS SEX. I WANT IT HOT, AND I WANT IT NOW. BRING IMPLEMENTS, TOYS, RUBBER,

LEATHER, WHIPS, EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT IN YOUR BAG OF TRICKS. WE'LL GO HOT AND

HEAVY ALL NIGHT - TIE ME UP, COVER ME IN CHOCOLATE SYRUP AND WHIPPED CREAM,

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, I'M READY! NOW HOW DOES THAT SOUND?"

HE SAID, "THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC, BUT YOU NEED TO PRESS 9 FOR AN OUTSIDE LINE."