Jump to content

Canada eh!


Recommended Posts

it's a bit of a read but good for a laughCanada eh!TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.5. Weed.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA1. Big rock between you and B.C.2. Ottawa who?3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN1. You never run out of wheat.2. Your province is really easy to draw.3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.4. People will assume you live on a farm.5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO1. You live in the centre of the universe.2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC1. Racism is socially acceptable.2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ..4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.3. The workday is about two hours long.4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart50° Fahrenheit (10° C)· Californians shiver uncontrollably.· Canadians plant gardens.35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)· Italian Cars won't start· Canadians drive with the windows down32° Fahrenheit (0° C)· American water freezes· Canadian water gets thicker.0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.· Canadians pull down their earflaps.-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)· Ethyl alcohol freezes.· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)· Hell freezes over.· The Vancouver Canucks win the Stanley Cup

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...