My Brother in law is going through a pretty nasty divorce right now, and without knowing all the details, I'm getting them second hand right now, but from what I gather, his lawyer, the judge, and the psychiatrist involved all pretty much told hiom they don't give a rats ___ what happens...but his wife is trying to taken him for everything, mainly because she doesn't want t work, and wants him to pay for everything. There are two sides to every story, but supposedly his lawyer, who hasn't done anything for him, has somehow locked him into a contract of sorts. I'm just wondering if anyone on here is or knows a good family lawyer who might be able to at least talk to him one time, if nothing else...court costs, and all the other crap hes having to pay for right now is bleeding him dry. Main reason I'm asking is hes got two kids...which IMHO, he's a hell of a better parent than the soon to be ex...

I spent $12k on my divorse. Not sure if that qualifies as bleeding dry. Every state is different. Oregon assumes that both parties should work and bases child support on that. We generally have no alimony here. That's the big thing. There is no easy way out. But all I can say is after its over it does get better. Nothing like a woman you've been married to being on your wrong side. Good luck to him. I bet a lot of us here can be supportive.here the courts don't care who is the better parent. Unless there's been documented abuse then just live with shared custody.

Well that settles it. I'm never getting married

Been there, done that. Seen too many as well. Divorce brings out the worst in people... mostly greed & using the children to get back at the former spouse. In the end it is a waiting game... who can hold out the longest to get what they want. NO ONE EVER gets 100% of what they want or even deserve. In the end it is to discover what each party is willing to settle for. Every body settles. They have to. The bigger hurry one is in to move on, the worse bargaining position one is in... especially if the other party knows about it. The lawyers are always the winners, the former couple are the losers. The challenge is to not harm the children any more than necessary. And divorces are not necessarily the worst thing for a child. Living in a home where the parents fight constantly is surely worse. No matter what the ex-spouse did or did not do... the children did not do it. They did not cause it. They should be kept out of it. Do not have the children move goods for you. Or relay messages. Use the lawyer if necessary but keep the kids out of it. My sister's girls got together & refused to carry messages between parents... A neighbor & his ex... each poisoned the children against each other on a daily school pickup so our daughter refused to car pool with them! An inlaw, paid his ex in cash from his Saturday job... after 3 years she claimed she'd never been paid & he hadn't kept receipts.Same inlaw had his kids so poisoned against him that the child screamed & would not get in the truck to go down the block to McDs. He ended up signing off on the kids & he surely didn't deserve that. I feel, of course, that my ex got more than she deserved. Maybe she did. But the fact is I AGREED to the settlement. It's difficult to not harbor resentment... I guess I still do 25 years later... over her actions. But the settlement is best put behind each. I was fortunate I did not have children which present a huge challenge. Do not even think of hiding money. Bank accounts & valuables will be discovered... safety deposit boxes opened and it pisses the judge off. The thing is that no one knows your living expenses once you are separated. Gambling. Eatting out. Good old cash... coin of the realm does not show if you have a secure place to keep it. You should get control of deeds, documents, titles & tax returns. You WILL have to produce them in court or have them available. If the other party has them, make note of that fact. In this era of Credit Cards... I would want to close them & open new. Need a lawyers advise on that.

It's a pretty chitty situation for him, as he has a job, is working, and trying to pay off his college loans for this job he just started...he moved out. She still lives in the house, and the agreement was that she was going to put the house on the market. That never happened, and she also stopped paying the mortgage. She's been asking for more money from him-not sure why, since she's not paying the mortgage, and not working...but she is making him pay for everything...including the vacation she's planning on taking in September.As far as the kids go, they originally worked out a deal, where they would each have them for a week, trading off...except now she's been deciding when she wants to drop them off, or when he has to take them back...and it's usually a day or two late on her part, and a day or two early on his part. Again, no one there is completely innocent (as far as the adult parties go), but the psychiatrist involved has decided that it was "better" for the kids to live at the house where they grew up-despite the fact that she was supposed to be selling it, and now is about to have it foreclosed. The Judge actually told him that he really doesn't care what happens, and just wants it over, and his lawyer pretty much is expecting him to settle to her terms, so he isn't doing squat, but he locked him into a contract somehow. I would imagine that his inactions would be a breach of contract, but I was hoping someone knew a lawyer in Michigan that would at least be willing to talk to him about the situation. The worst part of it all is that he is by far the better parent-the ex on multiple occasions has forgotten that their daughter was at school, and needed a ride home, and never picked her up-despite the fact that she stayed at home; causing him to have to leave work early to go pick her up. There's other issues too, but from the looks of it, he's about to get hosed for life, and possibly lose the kids too. I'm willing to bet money though, she's manipulative, but not that smart, so I'd be willing to bet my next paycheck that parents have been putting her up to this...they've been trying to get them divorced, and gain sole custody of the kids for years now. The whole situation pisses me off, but unfortunately, I'm not in a position to do anything about it at all-I think thats the worst part about it for me. When one of my other brother-in-laws was going through a nasty divorce-she started cheating on him a month or two after they got married-and she started trying to get nasty with him, I actually called her up at midnight, and pretty much told her to pack sand. Her mom was trying to get him to pay them back for the wedding gift, and when I got into her about that, she tried to tell me it was none of my business. I replied that it was as much my business as it was her mom's, and if she didn't like it, I'd call her mom right then and there and tell her as much.My brother just got divorced a year ago-his wife decided she was done, and refused to leave with him-then posted it all over facebook that he had left her. When I got the whole story from her, I called her up and blasted her. (It's not as effective over the phone, but I still felt better. I've gotten it to an art now, where if I do have to yell at someone, I have to try NOT to make them start crying...I guess that's what 13 years in the Marine Corps does to you, lol)Sorry, long post, longer rant, just hoping to find someone else he can talk to that may be able to help his situation out, and if not, at least vent to some people who may have been through that before. Sad thing is, this could all have been avoided had there been a bit more give and take on her side...he realized he had a problem, and tried to go to counseling, to get it fixed...she refused, and refused to admit that she also had an issue. Now the kids pay. My wife and I learned a long time ago, there are some things you just have to learn to work around...but always talk about it. We still get into arguments, but I always make it a point to walk away when I start to really get mad...it saves me from saying something stupid that I"m going to regret later. I'll go out to the garage, and mess out there until we're both calmed down, and then come back in and we talk it out then. Plus, we've learned to give each other our own space and time...if she's out with her friends shopping, I don't call her unless its an emergency...there's nothing that the kids do that I can't take care of. Same with her. If I go out hunting, fishing, or whatever, I won't get a call from her. It amazes a lot of people that we don't constantly bug each other when we're out-but we know why, and we try to look out for each other.

Well that settles it. I'm never getting married

choose wisely and treat kindly. If your choice was poor, you have no chance.

I wonder what she's been doing with her time & (his) money but greedy is as greedy does. Actually, if there isn't equity in the house, letting the bank take it eliminates a big cause of fighting. He will lose everything he has in it but so will she. Like I said about settling. He should not increase the money stream but he must stick to the contract so she is in breech. It's like paying an extortionist... there's no end. If he must pay bills, he should do so directly & not let her divert the money. Give her reason to want to settle.

No equity is good during a divorce. Either let it go back to the bank or take over the house yourself and pay nothing to the wife. Either way she looses. Might be hard to get the wife and kids out. If there is equity and she defaults, he may have a course of action against her? I'd get it appraised right away. See if she will agree to sharing the cost.

I know people thats gone through a divorce and it was all good, they agreed on financial issue...that is until the lawyers got involved. Then it bcame a I am going to clean you out divorce...or should I say Reem . More fighting equals more money for the lawyers