My Personal Opinion

[Mopar1973Man]

As of today I'm officially done with chemo. So all this time of doing my chemo I always dressed up and did my make up. Today I walk into the cancer clinic plain me. No wig, no make up,  etc.  Just my DAP shirt and jeans. Most of the staff did not know it was me.

 

As for my health I'm starting to have flow to my bladder and peeing like a normal guy most of the time now. I've still got tubing into both kidneys and bags but that is to give the best chance of healing for my kidneys. I canceled the final chemo because of my weakness and nausea was getting out of control. 

 

Now I can start to heal up and build my endurance and strength again. Still gotta be careful because of my tubing and bags hooked to my kidneys.

 

 

Yeah my hair is starting to grow back but we are still getting off and on snow and rain. It really makes me cold without one of my wigs. People are more used to seeing my wild hair and makeup than normal me.

 

 

Yup that's how I went to McCall to go shopping for some food stuff and take care of meds and other things. Yes I'm doing pretty good but like I said I'm weak and can't walk a long ways without getting winded.

[5akman]

Great news, hope you continue to heal/recover quickly!

[Mopar1973Man]

It's all about gaining strength now so I can handle a 6 hour surgery and 14 days in the hospital. I feel better not being nauseated and weak all the time. I wanna get back to normal things like even working on my trucks for light duty repairs.

 

Mark did me the favor for installing my new Diamond Eye 4 inch exhaust and muffler. Wow it nice to have quiet exhaust again.

 

If the weather warms up I'm going to start doing rust repairs. Yup the salt is taking the toll on Beast.

Edited May 8 by Mopar1973Man

[Mopar1973Man]

Well good morning to the gang out there... I'm still getting it together. Yesterday was a bit more normal feeling. I got started doing some basic tasks about cleaning and organizing my kitchen and pantry. Today I want to stop in town and grab a few basic things. Now its time to get working on my office area cleaning it up and getting the last of my cabling done for the cameras and WiFi heads. I've got a problem with my "Home" WiFi head showing up as a 10/100 Mbit which it should show up as a 1 GBit cable so I got a bad plug to fix at one end or the other. I've gotta stay busy and doing light duty things. 

[Mopar1973Man]

My adventure continues... I'm still doing makeup and enjoying life the best I can with my cancer and my two bags hanging off my back. Seems quite amazing to see how many people stop to give me comments and props for what I'm doing. I'm still working on my own style and look with what I've got. Like most say, "Fake it till you make it". I need to replace my choker collar being the strap is ready to break. Even when I'm hanging out with friends I get people stopping me and commenting on my looks. 

 

Donnelly Idaho (Stinker Station) - Erica was the one to shoot the photo here...

Like here I was on my way to drop Erica off back at her place in Donnelly ID. We stopped at the local Stinker Station and these two women commented on my looks and since they said something I always asked if I could get a photo with them to add to my TikTok account. 

 

Lewiston Idaho (WinCo Foods)

My monthly shopping trip I went alone and opted for my Black and Purple hair and like typical its a women favorite. I was standing in the soda pop alise and these two women spotted me and commented on how bright the purple color is my hair and asked if it was aa wig or my actual hair. I told them it was a wig and I'm fighting cancer. So the gal with the green hair shot the photo but it was aa fun time in WinCo.

 

Clarkston, Washington (Walmart)

This gal I felt sorry for. Look at the lower right corner you can see her cane. She was chasing me all around Walmart trying to catch up with me. I just left the automotive area grabbing two batteries for my Jayco trailer and thought I needed to get makeup wipes for cleaning makeup off my face. She cornered me in the makeup area and gave me a stellar comment. "You are F_cking Gorgeous! " She was impressed by my looks and will be looking for me next time I go shopping too.  

 

Edited May 28 by Mopar1973Man

[Mopar1973Man]

Well my time is running short my surgery is June 25th now. I'm first thing in the morning. 7:30am. My surgery will be 6 hours long. My bladder and prostate will be removed. I'll be in the hospital for 14 days. This will be my longest stay. I plan on having as much fun as I can. I plan on taking all my makeup and a few of my wigs and enjoy the hell raising im going to do in the hospital. 

[Mopar1973Man]

I heard this song on Pandora as I was coming home from a doctor visit and heard the song. I actually stopped in Ontario OR and played the lyrics as I ate lunch. Very fitting song for what going on in my life.

 

 

 

[Mopar1973Man]

This week has been very busy and tiring. I had two appointments in Boise for my cancer.

 

Monday (17th) the first appointment was to have an hour long class on my new bladder bag that I'll be wearing on my belly. Then check list of all the things that will cause issues or death. Well of course this pegged my anxiety and ramped up my blood pressure. My nurse was in a hurry to finish up to get me over to my other appointment. So after hiking back to my truck and fighting traffic to go 3 block to my other appointment. Running a bit late and checked in and I was taken in back and before I could unwind or clear the thoughs of my previous appointment my blood pressure was high. I'm more or less ready for surgery and getting my bladder and prostate removed.

 

Knowing my anxiety is ramped up I got ahold of my psychiatrist. Made an appointment for Thursday 20th. 

 

Tuesday (18th) I was home but had to go to McCall to get medications. I got all my meds for colon cleaning being I'm going to have 8 to 9 inches of my small intestine used as my stoma. All my meds are here ready to go.

 

Wednesday (19th) I ran back to Boise and got my stoma located on my belly so my bag can hang. Another hour appointment more questions and answers on sanitizing and cleaning. Then ran back over to the hospital to get my ensure surgery drinks. Don't ask this is a super rare product that is hard to even get. The nurse told me her team will do a full education on my stoma, bag, proper cleaning and maintenance.

 

Then as for today Thursday (20th) I had my video visit with my psychiatrist. I was having a tough time the last 3 days getting sleep because my not allow to smoke my vape. My anxiety was getting the best of me. Well like Michael was telling me that my hair and makeup is a coping mechanism that allows me to handle the stress and anxiety of my cancer and surgery to come. Michael told me to continue to enjoy the look and I'm handling my change of my body quite well and he actually enjoys my appearance. Yes, was all video visit over the phone. I started to unload a bit more and my voice started cracking because I was nearly to tears trying to handle what I have. He tries to reassure me that everything will work out.

 

Yeah it has been a crazy few days I'm mentally and physically tired. I'm going to attempt to rest as much as possible. I need to be strong to handle the next step of 6 to 7 hours of surgery. Which requires me to be up at 4:30am for meds and then be over to the hospital at 5:30am. I'll be staying at the Guest House in Boise then walk over to the hospital. My surgery is roughly 6 to 7 hours. Then I'll stay over at the hospital for 4 to 7 days and released.

 

As for my make up work I've got nurse and doctors giving my high fives and props for my appearance. Some of the staff I promised to bring my black/blue, black/purple and black wigs and all my make up. When I leave I'll leave in my raw state without makeup.

 

I plan on having my wigs and makeup there. I'm going to attempt to do a tiktok video at the hospital and post it here as well just so all you know I'm alive and still here on the planet.

 

With my current bags my last 5 months has been very limiting on what i can do. Having everything moved to the front on my belly will allow me to handle the bag much easier for cleaning and draining compared to my leg bags now. Im still trying to be open minded on what possiblities that might come with my new front location. I still know i can drop a transfer case on my belly like ive done for 20 years now. Im hoping i can get back to doing some basic mechanic work. Im miss working in my shop. I miss working on my trucks and the minivan.

 

Yes I've got a wicked stare I can do. 

Edited June 21 by Mopar1973Man

[leety]

3 hours ago, Mopar1973Man said:

This week has been very busy and tiring. I had two appointments in Boise for my cancer.

 

Monday (17th) the first appointment was to have an hour long class on my new bladder bag that I'll be wearing on my belly. Then check list of all the things that will cause issues or death. Well of course this pegged my anxiety and ramped up my blood pressure. My nurse was in a hurry to finish up to get me over to my other appointment. So after hiking back to my truck and fighting traffic to go 3 block to my other appointment. Running a bit late and checked in and I was taken in back and before I could unwind or clear the thoughs of my previous appointment my blood pressure was high. I'm more or less ready for surgery and getting my bladder and prostate removed.

 

Knowing my anxiety is ramped up I got ahold of my psychiatrist. Made an appointment for Thursday 20th. 

 

Tuesday (18th) I was home but had to go to McCall to get medications. I got all my meds for colon cleaning being I'm going to have 8 to 9 inches of my small intestine used as my stoma. All my meds are here ready to go.

 

Wednesday (19th) I ran back to Boise and got my stoma located on my belly so my bag can hang. Another hour appointment more questions and answers on sanitizing and cleaning. Then ran back over to the hospital to get my ensure surgery drinks. Don't ask this is a super rare product that is hard to even get. The nurse told me her team will do a full education on my stoma, bag, proper cleaning and maintenance.

 

Then as for today Thursday (20th) I had my video visit with my psychiatrist. I was having a tough time the last 3 days getting sleep because my not allow to smoke my vape. My anxiety was getting the best of me. Well like Michael was telling me that my hair and makeup is a coping mechanism that allows me to handle the stress and anxiety of my cancer and surgery to come. Michael told me to continue to enjoy the look and I'm handling my change of my body quite well and he actually enjoys my appearance. Yes, was all video visit over the phone. I started to unload a bit more and my voice started cracking because I was nearly to tears trying to handle what I have. He tries to reassure me that everything will work out.

 

Yeah it has been a crazy few days I'm mentally and physically tired. I'm going to attempt to rest as much as possible. I need to be strong to handle the next step of 6 to 7 hours of surgery. Which requires me to be up at 4:30am for meds and then be over to the hospital at 5:30am. I'll be staying at the Guest House in Boise then walk over to the hospital. My surgery is roughly 6 to 7 hours. Then I'll stay over at the hospital for 4 to 7 days and released.

 

As for my make up work I've got nurse and doctors giving my high fives and props for my appearance. Some of the staff I promised to bring my black/blue, black/purple and black wigs and all my make up. When I leave I'll leave in my raw state without makeup.

 

I plan on having my wigs and makeup there. I'm going to attempt to do a tiktok video at the hospital and post it here as well just so all you know I'm alive and still here on the planet.

 

With my current bags my last 5 months has been very limiting on what i can do. Having everything moved to the front on my belly will allow me to handle the bag much easier for cleaning and draining compared to my leg bags now. Im still trying to be open minded on what possiblities that might come with my new front location. I still know i can drop a transfer case on my belly like ive done for 20 years now. Im hoping i can get back to doing some basic mechanic work. Im miss working in my shop. I miss working on my trucks and the minivan.

 

Yes I've got a wicked stare I can do. 

You are a brave warrior!! Hang in there and keep up the great work!! 

[Mopar1973Man]

Thank you @leety. i got some sleep last night. Still tired this morning from the mental stress and dont get much of a break mentally now. This does NOT mean to all of you not to call me. PLEASE do call me i enjoy talking about trucks and Cummins diesels. That is a excellent way for me to shift focus for me. 

 

Now back up time to the start of this thread where i was pissed about people saying "I'll Pray for you!" Do you know every single person that said that phrase has disappeared from my life? They don't even have the time to call and just be a friend for me in a time for me. No prayers didn't resolve the pain or the mental stresses I've had to endure. Still have to thank the members here that have been there for me and spent many hours just listening to me spill my guts trying to handle all this. Even all the businesses that have been there for me like motels I still to this day visit the staff and keep them informed on what's happening. Even my chemo staff I'll sneak in and say Hi! Everyone is curious of my next makeup or hair trick I'm always giving a surprise. Example when I had lunch at Country Kitchen the waitress was my bar tender and she let me know when restrictions are lifted she wants to make me a drink to celebrate the end of cancer on the house of course.

 

Side story... Being I got to Boise early I stopped in the Boise Town Square Mall and headed to Spencer's and Hot Topic looking for new spiked collar for my look. I must of spent a good hour between two stores talking to staff and being asked about my look. Now ive got to whip out my phone and start showing off photos. Typically my black and purple is a woman favorite. All these gals are going nuts with the photos and wished I was wearing my black and purple. Sigh so again I'll make it a point to wear my black and purple and visit these stores again. Why? You have no idea how much help / support I'll get from people. Now when I do this I typically get a free bonus somewhere in my day. Example like my bar tender wanting to do me a free drink.

 

My cancer this time has forever changed me physically and mentally. Since December 18th I've been pack my pair of bags on my legs still even right now. Even after surgery and getting my stoma I'll still be packing a bag. Mentally I was altered at New Years Eve when I was ready to quit and give up. Sitting in my living room crying not knowing if I can handle all this and what was leveled on me for TWO Christmases. (Dec. 27, 19 and Dec. 17, 23). Something popped in me and I forced myself past the fear and unknown. Got on the phone called Erica for a dinner date. I got showered and make up on and ENJOYED New Years Eve with a gal I've never met. This was more or less the start point where I continued to do my makeup daily and never looked back. Now the dinner date got fun for me. The Chinese place I went in Donnelly I had the staff all talking to me because of my make up improved and appearance improved. Then going to bar in McCall and drinking a Pepsi and having very rich well to do people talking to me. This created my Tiktok channel because the while night was super fun and I got to forget about my medical issues for a short time.

 

My Titanium TikTok account 

https://www.tiktok.com/@titaniumgoth?_t=8nNxjaEXPVm&_r=1

 

Even considering my mechanic work I miss it so bad. I'm being open minded still to find out how much I can do after my surgery. Currently since my ports in my back have needles into my kidneys just simple actions can make me bleed and require me to stop and go lay down. I've had a very restrictive life. I'm hoping my surgery gives me back some of my freedom to at least play in my shop again. Time will tell...

 

Now the song above Ain't Life Grand now when you watch it the lyrics will make even more sense now with this post. 

 

"I would trade it for nothing, No, I wouldnt change it ever it's too long to live it for nothing So, this is my mood forever" - Nope I'm not going to change my appearance or my business I'm going to continue.

 

"Only ones I keep around me is my fam, No coincidence, it's always been the plan, And I always keep it trilly with the fans" Yeah all you that have been there for me are my fam now. This why those I talk to know my full story.

 

"The voices in my head they used to make me wanna break down, had me hella weighed down, had me in a corner, had beat but I'm okay now. True to what they say, if there's a will, then there's a way out. Took all of my dreams, I took em back cause I'm awake now" - Now after fighting my mental battles I jump into the makeup and got dressed up and made my way out to see life can still be fun even with all my medical issues.

 

I've got to say THANK YOU to all that called me to let me vent or physically came over to the house to help me do things I can't do.

Edited June 21 by Mopar1973Man

[Mopar1973Man]

Man what a struggle. My left port in my kidney is being super sensitive. I just walked next door to my neighbors place to talk to him. By the time I walked back I'm bleeding in my bag on my left. Went back to my bedroom to lay down. In about 30 minutes it clears up and I can purge my bag. I've only got a few days left with my bags on my back and it would take 7 days to schedule a surgery to change my tubes. Other words I'm going to be strong and just chill out and wait till surgery.

 

I ran to town and got two large pizza for the 3 of us here and enjoyed a mini party to celebrate the end of my bags in back and possibly start my new life with my surgery which will set up my new bag on my belly. I won't be able to eat solid food for awhile being my surgeon will use about 8 to 9 inches of my small intestine to make my stoma. 

 

No I have no choice, I must continue with my surgery to remove my bladder to get rid of my bladder cancer. No its not possible it get bladder cancer again without a bladder. 

 

Sadly I'm going to be alone during this. My friend Tianne I was suppose to stay at her place but she is having health issues and doesn't want to foul my surgery. 

 

I'll be glad to get the new setup so I can hook up a larger bag at night so I can sleep all night long. I should have the limitations I have now once I'm healed up. Again I'm not going to be the same person and not capable of doing things like I did in the past. Now I'm going to have to relearn how to do everything again. Took me 4 months to figure out life with my current bags. At least I won't need to go to the hospital to change my dressings anymore. Everything will be on my belly and easier for me to take care of.

[PilotHouse2500]

I can't imagine hte struggles you have right now.  Makes things going on in my life seem very small and petty.  Keep plugging forward, the universe still has plans for you moving forward.  Know that while I may not "know" you or have ever talked to you (beyound a truck website), I do think about your plight and see your strength in this.

Edited June 24 by PilotHouse2500

[Mopar1973Man]

Thank you pilothouse. Yeah I know I'm going to come out the other side of this. The good Lord has a purpose for me yet. I'm going to beat this cancer for the second time also for the last time. It's really hard to have bladder cancer again if my bladder is missing.

 

What will I be able to do? Not sure till I learn how my new body works. Even my current body took me 4 months to master. Now I get to start over again with a stoma on my belly and learn how to change my bags. At least I'll be able to stand up to pee again currently I typically have to bend over to drain at my ankles. In the truck I can pee out the truck door without much effort. Being my current bags are just strapped to my leg just a mere 300ml could make the bags slide down my leg and start to pull on the tube in my back. That starts to burn at my stitch in my back. Then most of the time I can't tell if I need to drain or not. Remember my body can't sense if I'm full or not. I've got this weird habit of rubbing both legs starting at the top and slide both hands down my legs I can feel the amount in each bag. All my friends know what I'm doing but to a stranger it seems weird. Yeah I've adapted to my new life quite well but now after surgery I get to relearn again. UGH!

 

The bonus is no longer have to got to go to the hospital every week to change my dressing on my back. Then every two weeks change my bags. All of this stops. Now I'll have it all on my belly just right of my belly button. Yeah I've got to find out how much I can do with my new body after I heal and the doctor releases me for work.

 

I've been watch tiktok videos of gals with ostomy bags. It's not like I have no idea. I'll have full crew in the hospital that will train me on my new setup. I'm also going to take the offer of joining ostomy support groups. Then ive got another member that also has a ostomy bag as well and been invited to learn from him to and he lives near Boise ID.

 

Like I know I've got to buy some different clothing. Some of my shirt might not cover my bag completely. Them my older pants are bit tight since I've gained dome weight. I'm not sure till I can get back to normal life where I walk, jog and being my normal active self which 6 months later I've got abit heavy.

 

Like today I've gotta pack to head to Boise. I'm taking all my makeup and 3 wigs so I can still raise hell in the hospital. Yeah it's strange that total strangers tend to love my new look. That part of me might never change back kind of like my body with what my surgery will do to me. I'll be forever altered. Even all the member that I've stayed in touch with like what they see. Like I was on the phone last night talking to a member in Texas and he's the same way everyone accepts what they see as my new me. No I'm not afraid or ashamed of what I'm doing with make up. I might learn enough to be a makeup artist as another side hustle.

 

Eventually I won't be shy to the idea of just hanging out with my shirt off. There is different products to cover and protect my bag at the same time be without my shirt. Like right now my crew here at home are used to me wandering around with my bags in my pockets of my scrub shirt.

 

I've already planned I'm going to take my black scrubs to the hospital being they are light and comfortable. Then wear my black hair. Yeah I'm going to continue to the last moment. Then when recover it will be much more easier to get dressed and drive home when I'm released. I've only have 4 to 7 days stay tops. Being I don't feel pain as normal I might get out at the 4th day but we will see. It's all based on how soon I can get up and walk.

 

 

 

I'll keep you all posted.

Edited June 24 by Mopar1973Man

[Mopar1973Man]

MADE IT THRU 7 HOUR SURGERY!

 

No longer have my bag buddies. Those have been removed. I've now got my stoma on my belly and my ostomy bag. They want to get me up and walking soon. Still dealing with moderate abdominal pain yet.

 

 

Edited June 26 by Mopar1973Man

[Mopar1973Man]

I'm starting to do my training for my ostomy bag. Which I've got to change every 3 to 4 days. Yeah kind of funky to have a chunk of my small intestine poking out of my belly. I manage to cut the hole in the base need a bit of help smoothing the hole out. Then there is a putty to roll out in your hands to make a ring to help seal my bag. Got it all in place and change for the first time.

 

Feeling good enough to do make and hair today.

 

[leety]

51 minutes ago, Mopar1973Man said:

I'm starting to do my training for my ostomy bag. Which I've got to change every 3 to 4 days. Yeah kind of funky to have a chunk of my small intestine poking out of my belly. I manage to cut the hole in the base need a bit of help smoothing the hole out. Then there is a putty to roll out in your hands to make a ring to help seal my bag. Got it all in place and change for the first time.

 

Feeling good enough to do make and hair today.

 

That's the spirit!. 

 

You've been on my mind.  Thank you for sharing your struggles, vulnerability and truly bad *** warrior spirit with us all.

 

Indeed God has more for you to share with us on this earth. 

 

From where I sit the world is a much better place with you in it.  Please keep up the good fight.  Somehow I know you will.

[jlwelding]

Awesome, do what the Doc says and you will be up and getting around in no time.

[Mopar1973Man]

Thanks for all the well wishes from everyone. It's been a quite the ride so far. Learning about my ostomy bag. Then working on walking and building my strength. Even doing a early morning 4am walk this morning. I'm so ready for solid food. Blood sugar is starting to drop and needing to recharge with just apple juice. Yeah been on a liquid diet since the surgery trying to restart my bowels again. Yeah my only hang up is all the pain meds require me to be on 2L/min of oxygen as I sleep. Oh do I sleep very well with all the meds.

 

I'm working on sitting up and doing my makeup for the day. All the nurse love the look as I'm walking the halls. Wait till I leave I'll be in makeup wearing my black scrubs and black hair. Yes I planned that.

 

I'm handling all this very well try to keep everyone laughing. My night assistant nurse sneaked in and woke me by draining my urine bag. I told her I can feel the movement on my leg. Geez I know my junk don't work but just get a handful. She was laughing hard I was too I paid with the pain of laughter.

[Mopar1973Man]

Seen my doctor this morning just as I was starting to do my makeup. I'm cancer free as far as he knows in all the pathology. I'm starting into solid foods today. I could get out of here by tomorrow but with the advent of there being no ostomy trained people in McCall I'd rather stay here for the weekend and the get out Monday morning. Here is the other good news my kidney function is improving greatly. Nothing but positive news.

 

I'm ordering breakfast and getting to eat solid foods with low fiber. 

 

Had even the Chaplin made a visit this morning and it was the same one from my chemo office so we had a wonderful chat.

 

[Mopar1973Man]

Side update. I was kind of napping and the housekeep knocked. OMG! This gal has pink in her hair and flower arrangement in back. Earrings are green succulent. We started talking and she goes to the Comic Con here in Boise. She started sharing photos. Very impressive artist makeup and dress wise. This was a real pick me up for me being I'm laying here in bed with my makeup on as well. She enjoyed the Goth look of my black makeup and hair. Sadly it was quick chat as she finished cleaning my room. She for sure could dress up as several characters and fit the part. Just WOW! Surprising who you'll meet in a hospital.