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My Personal Opinion


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Disclaimer:

Some people might get their feelings hurt. Just turn and walk away is the best suggestion. I'm in a "pissed off" mood so be aware I'm not going to be nice in this post.

 

Now everyone here knows I'm currently trying to deal with my bladder cancer. I'm not allowed to work on vehicles at all because of my bags and tubing. Then I'm not allowed to make any profit on the website being I'm being watched by the Fed's and Idaho State Government. Don't send donations this could push my income over the limit and cause me to lose all my benefits. That being said I'm limited on what I can do here. The store has to remain offline till after all my surgeries and medical treatment. As for tune work that I'll be able to do a little here and there but I have to be careful not to over do my income again I'll lose my benefits for my medical.

 

Now for those that say "I'll pray for you" That absolutely pisses me off to no end. This is a way for people to say they care but don't want to be involved. Yeah, you say the phrase but you are not here to help me deal with the bag that decided to leak all down my leg in the night. Start doing laundry at 2am and attempt to make my bed and go back to sleep. You are not there when I've got to get up every 3 hours to deal with draining my bags. You are comfortably asleep in your bed and "praying for me" as I'm dealing with wet bedding that smells of urine. So if you want to make a difference in my life become an advocate and be there for a person. This means getting up out of your comfort zone and helping a person like me who can't bend over to pick up something off the floor. Physically being there for a person. Now there are a few that have voiced their aid to me like @Doubletrouble he told me anytime I need someone to talk to call him. That is being there for me in times of need. This means way more to me than a person saying "I'll pray for you" because that person will disappear and never be there for you nor do they want to be bothered by my troubles. To me, it is upsetting to hear the phrase "I'll pray for you..." :mad::nono: You are just being lazy and don't want to be bothered with my troubles. Again become an advocate for a person and be there for them! Prayers are not paying for my fuel to travel to my doctors, not paying for my medication, not dealing with my stress or depression, etc. But the phrase allows you to remain at home comfortably and do nothing.

 

Now as for my makeup work and wigs. If you don't like it do me a favor and cancel your subscription now and leave silently. I don't need your kind around here. As for future postings, I will post photos of my works, and if you don't like it just leave. Before you start running your mouth I'll be very clear I'm not g a y  or trans. It's called "Emotional Goth" what I'm doing is go look it up and educate yourself before running your mouth. Goth culture is very much so alive and there are a lot of people still dressing in Goth styles. The difference between Goth and Emo Goth is Goth is strictly black everything including makeup. Emotional Goth is with color and in the clothing and makeup.

 

My makeup work is the only fun I get to have now. When I go to my medical appointments yes I'm wearing my wig and doing makeup as well. My profile picture on my records is a picture of me with my black and blue hair and basic black makeup. All my doctors and nurses love the look. Matter of fact my last trip to Fruitland ID my case worker was asking me about what products I was using because she loved the look and couldn't understand why my eyeliner was still looking good. Even my doctor gave me props for my appearance. 

 

Just today I decided to do my black and purple hair with full-color makeup. I had to run to McCall to get my medications, It was an uplifting experience for me. I've had a well-to-do millionaire ask me to join her group for the winter carnival in McCall ID. She thought I was gorgeous dressed up the way I was this morning. I gave her my phone number and told her to call me and hopefully, I'm not feeling nasty from my chemo. Then I stop by Dollar Store in New Meadows. The crew in that store loves the look and she wants to stay in touch with me for my chemo. Well during my visit there another customer who lives in McCall asked me to join in the winter carnival contact the chamber of commerce and get signed up for one of the floats. Just for how I looked today. 

 

So being I can't really do diesel work at all. My makeup artistry is getting better and better. I'm making my happiness by making others smile and that enjoy my artistry. It is truly amazing how many women take notice of me and either give me a huge compliment or start asking about the storyline. 

 

Because of the government being involved in my life, I can't be productive here on the website too much nor do any wrench work. Yes they are watching all my bank accounts very closely. I'm to the point any happiness I can create for myself in the confined time I'm stuck at home I'm going to do anything I have to do to keep depression at bay. Again if you can't handle the idea of me doing makeup in Emo Goth (Emotional Goth) then do me a favor and unsubscribe from the site now and just leave. I'll say it very clearly I'm not g a y and not trans. I'm still a male/guy. Just try to fill my day with my smiles and happiness even in the back of my head I'm dealing with cancer and chemo treatments that will make me sick and I could likely lose my hair from the chemo.

Edited by Mopar1973Man
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Back to the praying thing. Just consider what I built here. This website has been giving anyone that can read, the information to fix their truck. I've been giving aid to my fellow members in textual aid and even support by phone. There have been nights where members wake me up at 2am because his throttle linkage came apart and it's -50°F out this guy was in AK. Yeah this is what I mean about doing more than Pray For You. I get out of my comfort zone and aid this gentleman to fixing his truck in the middle of a winter storm. I stayed with him till he made it home safely. Most would of ignored the phone and silenced it.

 

No. I get out of my comfort zone for many years of Fire Dept service dropping my personal life and running for days chasing fire protecting people. Many of nasty night out helping g people involved in vehicle accidents again I'm leaving my comfort zone and aiding my fellow community.

 

Then ive even served with Idaho county search and rescue. Been on few runs here on the south side of Idaho County, again I left my comfort zone e to aid other lost in the woods.

 

This is why the phase I'll Pray for you pisses me off because because these people say the phrase don't move a muscle never leave there comfort zone. I will say I'm a man of action and always been there for people even late night injector swaps and rescues along the highway.

 

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Now you understand why I have times where now I enjoy my happiness in doing my makeup work and wearing my wigs being I know all you need me to help you through your troubles on your trucks but I need to make it through my troubling times alone with my cancer. This is why I have depression at times and struggle to just keep going Because I'm there for you all but no one is there for me. The way I put a smile on my face and others around me is now with my makeup artistry, wigs and my Goth dress mode and my way of enjoying a small slice of time where I get to forget that I'm fighting cancer but able to enjoy even a small bit of time of happiness. Looking forward to driving 3 hours south for surgery to replace all the plumbing on my body and then start my chemo shortly afterwards where I'm going to enjoy the thought of nausea and loss of hair. Right now I'm waiting for the house to warm up and allow me to get a shower and I will do my makeup today being it gives me happiness and people around me enjoy my artistry. Yes, the fact I struggle to get sleep every night. I struggle with bags that leak on my bed. Yes, I struggle with my right bag pulling apart and leaking urine down my leg. I can't do much of anything without my action causing me to bleed in my bladder. I'm confined by my health issues (bladder cancer) and so be it I'll enjoy making myself happy and others around me with my makeup artistry Emo Goth mode.

Edited by Mopar1973Man
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Brother you keep doing what you do. Granite I was a little thrown off when we talked about it a while back, but I saw the fun you had with it too. And who am I to judge what you or anyone does. All I know is you have been a tremendous help to people everywhere fixing their damn trucks. Even me back in the day with the miss from hell. You have always been a phone call away. And thats what I told you yesterday, I'll be calling just to see how you are and a ear if you need it. I found this place when I was laying in the hospital with two back to back strokes, didnt think I was going to make it. This site gave me something to do, and little by little people began having intrest in me and talking. Thats all we need sometimes is mindless BS sessions. Rock on brother, later.

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 You have friends that support you if only by being there to talk/listen. You also have friends and people that count on you. You still have purpose, you still have goals. This is a rough time for you on several fronts. It's very challenging I'm sure. I pretend I have an idea of what your going through, I don't. Only from what you've told me. We've talked at length on occasion and not always about cancer or trucks.  Just glad it shifts your train of thought to something else other than your health.

 And @jlwelding, I never knew you went through all of that. Glad you made it brother! 

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Thank you @jlwelding...

 

That the thing Good Lord is bring my true friends forward in my time of need and accept me for who I am. Fact is currently the only aid I can provide to anyone right now is the knowledge in my mind. Just because of my make up work is just something fun for me to work at. Nothing I'm doing is permanent like tattoos or piercing that are more permanent. With what I'm doing is a wig which I can pull off and brush out. Then the make up washes of fairly easy. Yes appreciate your offer to talk to me when ever that is awesome.

 

See I believe in the Good Lord and he's given me all the blessing I can get. Two awesome doctors and just my two social case workers gave been making sure all my needs are taken care of. I've been blessed by all these people that are taking action on my be half.

 

When I pray at all I'm Thanking the Good Lord for providing me all the people that are dealing with my medical issues. I don't need to pray for pain relieve because this is my pain to bear. It's my challenge to over come. So I'm not asking for the Goid Lord to fix me but thank him for bring the people into my life that are making a difference.

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2 hours ago, Doubletrouble said:

 You have friends that support you if only by being there to talk/listen. You also have friends and people that count on you. You still have purpose, you still have goals. This is a rough time for you on several fronts. It's very challenging I'm sure. I pretend I have an idea of what your going through, I don't. Only from what you've told me. We've talked at length on occasion and not always about cancer or trucks.  Just glad it shifts your train of thought to something else other than your health.

 And @jlwelding, I never knew you went through all of that. Glad you made it brother! 

Yeah man that was back in 2008 when I thought I was still superman smoking 2 1/2 packs a day.:lol:

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Well, I made it through a minor surgery changing out my plumbing going to my kidneys. Here is a shocker I did this short 20-minute surgery with no anesthesia or painkillers of any kind. The doctor wanted to make sure I could drive home. My surgeon was super cool by allowing me to watch the process on my own monitor. The surgeon slid the key into my left tube and unlocked it and then swapped it out. I didn't even feel it at all. Then he told me he was testing with dye and sure enough I saw it flow but I had to tell the surgeon to ease up my bladder shrunk up and didn't hold much anymore. Same on the other side and then the only drug I was given was a small shot of local to all the surgeons to tie my tubes in place to my skin in my back. After that, I was wheeled into my little cove, got dressed, and left. I was driving home.

 

For my next appointment, I'm heading back to Boise ID for a post-op meeting with my doctor. Then afterward I've got my hotel arranged for me over in Oregon so I can partake of my painkiller before my first chemo visit. I've got to embrace the suck here... I know that chemo is going to make me sick and I'm possibly going to lose my hair from the chemo. Thank Gwad I've been working on my artistry and my wigs and I'm still improving...

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Good people seem to have bad things happen...it sucks, but I am glad you are finding a way thru it as best you can.  While not everyone will appreciate, do what YOU gotta do for YOU.  Per request I suspended my donations and will watch for when we can start to help out again, websites aren't cheap and I fully want to help support this community.  Drop me a PM if you ever wanna set up a call and check out my old dodge insanity stuff.

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Thanks @PilotHouse2500 for understanding.

 

My plan is I've got chemo in a week. I'm going to pack my laptop and stuff and be working on getting work done on the website. Also start my rebuild of the store get the framework done and get vendors and products organized. I just leave out the payment processor. Then everyone can drool when I throw the processor in. Even when I go to chemo I'll be the spice of life I'll continue my makeup and look because I'm not going to just lay down and die. Nope. Yeah I know what I'm in for being I dealt with my mom's dialysis and how everyone is just quiet. Nope. I'm going to make time fly for 6 hours I've got to be there.

 

Like today I got some good sleep and slept in till 8:30am. I'm learning how to live with my cyborg body. 

 

So today I'm being cool and letting my roommate (Jake) sleep in a bit on his day off. Then we are going to McCall to attempt to get some basic food needs covered till we go to Lewiston. 

 

Mark did me the favor on Minnie get tires on the minivan. So things are working out. I'll admit that it very hard mentally to shut down my normal life and do nothing for at least a month and continue. Like today I'm going enjoy doing my make up for the black and purple hair because I've got a few women that love the look. I'm learning the purple is more of a women favorite where my black and blue is more of a guy favorite. No I don't mean this in in any g a y means. What I mean is if im interfacing with women more the purple works the best. If im interfacing with guys more the black and blue works best. It rather interresting learning the secrets of social and dressing up and how it impact how people react to me. I'm hoping for another "Your F--king Goregous" moment which happen about a week ago.

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Ok here we go again. I had a day where I got dressed up and went to town to drop Jake off for work. I did things differently this time went with midnight blue hair short cut, midnight blue eyeshadow then black lip stain. Dropped Jake off for work. I've got Erica hanging out with me and I stopped over at River Rock Cafe and ordered a pizza. 

 

20240210_103647.jpg

 

We waited out in Minnie Erica wanted to grab some drinks so we headed over to Grocery Store in Riggins ID. Yup even seen my neighbors in the store. Explained my cancer and doing chemo. Finished at the store to grab the pizza. Guess what I return back and told my pizza was free again. The crust was not cooked right so I got the pizza for free.

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Well, here we go. I've started my first round of chemo. I'm doing good and sitting here with my laptop and getting fired up to work on the website and fix what I can. My chemo for the first day is rather intense and going to be rather interesting all my medical staff are super cool. Even my social worker just stopped by to make sure of scheduling and travel for me. As for nurses they are handling my needs even with food and drink and even explaining what is going to happen etc. All great people! I've had my visit with my doctors and understand what I'm going to have to do and how long. The schedule seems to be heading out towards JUNE. Yeah it's going to be every Tuesday skip on my 3rd Tuesday for chemo. The bags will stay on me for the full-time till my surgery in June. I'm truly blessed by all the medical staff around me taking care of my cancer treatments. All I can say is... "Thank you, Lord, for all the wonderful people handling my health."

 

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Oh, my story goes on from here. I've had a stay over at Ontario OR for my first chemo treatment. I was in full makeup and hair for both days down there. I was in my midnight blue hair and full-color makeup with blue eyeshadow and black as well. The doctor explained to me I would have an external bag that ultimately I would be peeing into for the rest of my life. I discussed the Neo-bladder idea and he's explaining the issues with neo-bladders. In any case, they will take a small piece of my small intestine and plumb my kidneys to my right side of my belly. Still on course for this surgery. So as for my chemo, they figure I'll be going till JUNE. Yup, the schedule is set, two Tuesdays and skip a Tuesday, then repeat. As for the nausea meds well Rusti my IV nurse pumped in a good amount of meds that held me over till midnight last night. I'm hoping for a call back soon and get this figured out and get my nausea meds taken slightly early to allow me to sleep.

 

OK now as for my make-up and attitude. Everyone could tell I'm extremely positive and looking forward. My pharmacist was surprised I was handling two tech calls on diesel trucks and did it very professionally. Rusti my IV tech put me up to the test she wants me to do my light blue hair which none of you have ever seen yet. Now to figure out the makeup and I've got 1 week till I return.  My social worker loves the different looks I stopped in to drop off papers that morning and she again asked about my makeup and the products I'm using. All the staff can spot me quickly and they remember easily on phone like the one I placed this morning. I was wanting to pass info back about times of meds run length and such. Do you remember me black and purple hair? "Oh yeah, you were here yesterday." Yup, that was me. 

 

Now for those that want to follow this story in TikTok I've started another adventure where on my travels back and forth to my chemo I'm in fully make-up and hair and attempting to get people to ask or comment on my looks then ask if they mine grabbing a photo with me? So far no problems everyone wants to be involved and so here we go...

 

My profile page...

https://www.tiktok.com/@titaniumgoth?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

 

 

So consider the thought of my life where I'm here at home alone. It drives me crazy being there is no one here to talk to or anything. I can do my activity or I start to bleed. It was tough on me to do the driving to the doctor's office and then to chemo yeah I was bleeding from that. The thing is the energy I bring to the room is amazing. All my crew around me love it. Dietitian, she is very impressed. My social worker loves the fact I change looks every time to something different to keep her guessing. The people I see during my travels like the video above were the hotel I stayed at to the two gals working the desks loved the look. The other photo is of a gal I crossed paths with in a Spencer Clothing store I picked up a few tee shirts but she liked the look and wanted in the TT.  More to come...

Edited by Mopar1973Man
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Glad you have a good team buddy!  One of my old neighbor is going thru some C as well and a good support staff makes all the difference in the world.  

 

Sorry to hear the Neo isn't an option.  :(  

 

Hang in there and do all you can, lean on those you can and keep as much smil eon your face as possible.  I promise to hold a Zoom here to look over my project by the end of the month.

Edited by PilotHouse2500
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I know I've been quiet. Chemo is pretty harsh I'm struggling with nausea and weakness. I'll make it but I'll admit it is rough. 

 

My Chemo crew are all great people. I've got a whole crew like dietitian, pharmacist, IV nurse, social worker, etc. All there for me and really helpful people making my treatments the best I can.

 

I'll admit I was compliments about my looks, and the energy I bought to the room. My IV nurse was surprised on how much people wanted to talk to me. My pharmacist was surprised to listen in on my Cummins phone calls helping another member. Social worker was shocked on my appearance because it changed and she loved it.

 

I'm taken care of very well by my crew. Yeah I'll say Chemo is rough being nauseated and weak aren't fun but I'll do it and get it done.

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