Friday Funny.

[Wild and Free]

Since its cold out and I don't want to go outside unless I have to, I thought I would start a mood lifting  thread for all to share in. I will start.

 

[Mopar1973Man]

[JAG1]

Wild and Free, is that the toilet paper that's like the Starship Enterprise?

Edited January 9, 2015 by JAG1

[dorkweed]

 

Since its cold out and I don't want to go outside unless I have to, I thought I would start a mood lifting  thread for all to share in. I will start.

 

 

 

Hey look, an oil filter.

 

 

Wild and Free, is that the toilet paper that's like the Starship Enterprise?

 

 

You mean circling Uranus and wiping out the Klingons??

[Wild and Free]

Hey look, an oil filter.

 

 

 

 

You mean circling Uranus and wiping out the Klingons??

Now that there is funny!!!!!!!!!!!

 

  Kinda makes a guy want to start waxing after thinking about that last comment.......................................                          

[MnTom]

  Kinda makes a guy want to start waxing after thinking about that last comment.......................................                          

Maybe you, but not me. No Way, No How....... I don't want to go  then then . Not my style.........

[MnTom]

[Wild and Free]

Toms last post is blank for me????????....................Not funny.

 

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " I clocked you at 80 mph. sir."



The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."



Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."



As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"



The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."



As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."



The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."



The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."



The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."



And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"



The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"



"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

[Wild and Free]

[MnTom]

A melted porta-potty after eating fast food (Taco Bell) isn't funny??

[Wild and Free]

A melted porta-potty after eating fast food (Taco Bell) isn't funny??

Your post box shows up as blank nothing in it just a big open space on my puter here at work.

 

Edit.....it shows up on my home puter.

 

I figured there had to be something there as others have liked it but I see nothing not even the Xbox.

 

Maybe this is what I got coming lol.

 

[Cowboy]

Yes I'm late, but I had too....

 

 

[Mopar1973Man]

 

[Wild and Free]

I was in a new Cummins shop for service school many years ago in Fargo ND and they had a brand new chassis dyno for semis and we got to watch one of the first runs of a then new ISX 600 and the front tire came about 4 feet off the ground and the frame twisted up like that with the customer standing there with his jaw hanging on the ground, they figured out real quick they needed to chain the front axle down as well.

Customer was like   seeing his brand new semi tweaking like that.

 

The top zip tie as a prank reminded me of a gear shop mechanic at Inland truck parts was always joking around, I put a hand full of shims inside his spare tire and he drove around and stuck several hundred dollars fixing things trying to find the rattle in his rear end, a couple months later I crawled under and took the shims back out and nobody ever said a word to him about what I did..............   When asked what the rattle was he could never answer it he just figured something he fixed must have done the trick.    

[Wild and Free]

North Dakota has the happiest women in the nation.

 

How do....es you...r state "Measure up"?

 

Makes sense since North Dakota has now beaten out Hawaii for the Happiest state in the nation.

 

http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/eco-tourism/stories/hawaiis-not-the-happiest-anymore-guess-which-state-is-on-top

[Cowboy]

Someday.  Some joyous day that will be put down in Johnson family history.  A day where the tail will be passed on from generation to generation.  This wonderful day I speak of will be the one where.....   I can unsee what has just been seen, and unlearn what has just been learnt.

[Wild and Free]

Kind of like the family who went to the genealogist to trace their family tree and the genealogist started looking into things and after a short while handed them a pack of seeds and said to just start over.

[Mopar1973Man]

 

 

[Wild and Free]

Due to the cost, I have torn out my home security system and resigned from the Neighborhood Watch Program.

 

I have installed a Syrian flag on my front porch, an Iranian flag next to my flower bed, and the black flag of ISIS waves from my roof-top.

 

The state police, city police, sheriff, FBI, CIA and Homeland Security are all watching my house 24/7.

 

I've never felt safer.

[flagmanruss]

The office bimbo at a place I used to work...  the rest of us were in the shop or out on the road...  she treated the rest of us badly except when she wanted something.  (We all chipped in for a mini-fridge & micro wave but just try to find room for your lunch or to heat something up!!   She used to take long lunch hour and a halfs & always rushed in just before the owner & acted like she'd been slaving away for hours.  She had a nice old oak desk... 

 

One day...  she was late coming back from lunch.  I fixed her center desk drawer with a drop of super glue on each side (making sure the drawer was not all the way in.)  The door to the shop was open & she tried to grab her work before the owner came in.  The drawer wouldn't open.  We were quiet & not staring but somehow she knew that someone had done something.  We denied everything, of course.  The twit was about in tears (funny she'd never had compassion for any of us...  never did after either.)   The Head Tech told me to go fix her stuck drawer.

 

I just walked in & thumped it with my hand in an upward motion.  "See it was just stuck."  (Because it was a fraction from being all the way in, the full firce was on the glue & not the back of the drawer.) 

 

Of course, when I left the job, I lost my donation towards the shared appliances.  During the winter we were in the shop a lot but in the active season, I was working out of my service van & lunch went with me or I didn't get to eat.