Disclaimer:

Some people might get their feelings hurt. Just turn and walk away is the best suggestion. I'm in a "pissed off" mood so be aware I'm not going to be nice in this post.

 

Now everyone here knows I'm currently trying to deal with my bladder cancer. I'm not allowed to work on vehicles at all because of my bags and tubing. Then I'm not allowed to make any profit on the website being I'm being watched by the Fed's and Idaho State Government. Don't send donations this could push my income over the limit and cause me to lose all my benefits. That being said I'm limited on what I can do here. The store has to remain offline till after all my surgeries and medical treatment. As for tune work that I'll be able to do a little here and there but I have to be careful not to over do my income again I'll lose my benefits for my medical.

 

Now for those that say "I'll pray for you" That absolutely pisses me off to no end. This is a way for people to say they care but don't want to be involved. Yeah, you say the phrase but you are not here to help me deal with the bag that decided to leak all down my leg in the night. Start doing laundry at 2am and attempt to make my bed and go back to sleep. You are not there when I've got to get up every 3 hours to deal with draining my bags. You are comfortably asleep in your bed and "praying for me" as I'm dealing with wet bedding that smells of urine. So if you want to make a difference in my life become an advocate and be there for a person. This means getting up out of your comfort zone and helping a person like me who can't bend over to pick up something off the floor. Physically being there for a person. Now there are a few that have voiced their aid to me like @Doubletrouble he told me anytime I need someone to talk to call him. That is being there for me in times of need. This means way more to me than a person saying "I'll pray for you" because that person will disappear and never be there for you nor do they want to be bothered by my troubles. To me, it is upsetting to hear the phrase "I'll pray for you..."  You are just being lazy and don't want to be bothered with my troubles. Again become an advocate for a person and be there for them! Prayers are not paying for my fuel to travel to my doctors, not paying for my medication, not dealing with my stress or depression, etc. But the phrase allows you to remain at home comfortably and do nothing.

 

Now as for my makeup work and wigs. If you don't like it do me a favor and cancel your subscription now and leave silently. I don't need your kind around here. As for future postings, I will post photos of my works, and if you don't like it just leave. Before you start running your mouth I'll be very clear I'm not g a y  or trans. It's called "Emotional Goth" what I'm doing is go look it up and educate yourself before running your mouth. Goth culture is very much so alive and there are a lot of people still dressing in Goth styles. The difference between Goth and Emo Goth is Goth is strictly black everything including makeup. Emotional Goth is with color and in the clothing and makeup.

 

My makeup work is the only fun I get to have now. When I go to my medical appointments yes I'm wearing my wig and doing makeup as well. My profile picture on my records is a picture of me with my black and blue hair and basic black makeup. All my doctors and nurses love the look. Matter of fact my last trip to Fruitland ID my case worker was asking me about what products I was using because she loved the look and couldn't understand why my eyeliner was still looking good. Even my doctor gave me props for my appearance. 

 

Just today I decided to do my black and purple hair with full-color makeup. I had to run to McCall to get my medications, It was an uplifting experience for me. I've had a well-to-do millionaire ask me to join her group for the winter carnival in McCall ID. She thought I was gorgeous dressed up the way I was this morning. I gave her my phone number and told her to call me and hopefully, I'm not feeling nasty from my chemo. Then I stop by Dollar Store in New Meadows. The crew in that store loves the look and she wants to stay in touch with me for my chemo. Well during my visit there another customer who lives in McCall asked me to join in the winter carnival contact the chamber of commerce and get signed up for one of the floats. Just for how I looked today. 

 

So being I can't really do diesel work at all. My makeup artistry is getting better and better. I'm making my happiness by making others smile and that enjoy my artistry. It is truly amazing how many women take notice of me and either give me a huge compliment or start asking about the storyline. 

 

Because of the government being involved in my life, I can't be productive here on the website too much nor do any wrench work. Yes they are watching all my bank accounts very closely. I'm to the point any happiness I can create for myself in the confined time I'm stuck at home I'm going to do anything I have to do to keep depression at bay. Again if you can't handle the idea of me doing makeup in Emo Goth (Emotional Goth) then do me a favor and unsubscribe from the site now and just leave. I'll say it very clearly I'm not g a y and not trans. I'm still a male/guy. Just try to fill my day with my smiles and happiness even in the back of my head I'm dealing with cancer and chemo treatments that will make me sick and I could likely lose my hair from the chemo.

Edited January 31, 20241 yr by Mopar1973Man

 Glad to hear all went well! Seems your meeting alot of supportive people on your journey,  that's very good. It's nice to hear a story with a positive tone for a change. Seems these days the world is just packed with negativity everywhere you turn. Gets depressing at times. 

 

19 minutes ago, Doubletrouble said:

 Glad to hear all went well! Seems your meeting alot of supportive people on your journey,  that's very good. It's nice to hear a story with a positive tone for a change. Seems these days the world is just packed with negativity everywhere you turn. Gets depressing at times. 

 I loved the fact when I was leaving and I stopped out front to make sure everything was is check before I leave. I had all the receptionists laughing as I left the building. My case worker loves the energy I bring to the build while I'm there. Amount of people wanting to just ask What's your story. 

 

Oh I did find the photos.

 

I wanted to share my next idea for my makeup work. I've already used this one for my chemo treatment and my chemo staff loved the look. I'm trying to keep people on their toes being so far I'm enjoying blowing people's minds. Like last night I went to BBQ with a few friends in Riggins ID and was dressed up in my Blcak and Blue hair but I'm playing with other makeup concepts and so far people don't even know it's me any longer. Few people now had to ask Jake who I was and then when my cover was blown it was funny because they couldn't believe it was me the Mopar1973Man decked out in Emo Goth looks. 

 

Newest concept...

 

Being I'm still dealing with my cancer. It's nice to be dressed up and enjoy my time being out and about sharing my makeup and Emo Goth looks and just forget about the fact I'm constantly hurting with these ports in my back and dealing with cancer. The fun of putting a smile on other's faces and then also putting a smile on me even for a short time. You all have to remember I'm limited on what I can do here to be productive right now and can't work on Cummins diesels. This has been a huge way for me to enjoy the time that I'm hanging out till my big surgery where I'll lose my bladder and prostate. Did you know my sexual organ (one eye) will no longer function? Yup just consider the fact I'll never enjoy sex again and I'll never piss like a man again. So again people might think I'm off the wall... I don't care. Why? What if this was my last chance to enjoy life and only could live to June? What would you be willing to do to enjoy life? Yeah I know I'm not going to die anytime soon but it makes you think. Consider my position that sexual I'll no longer function any longer. Just consider that every day I get up alone and really can't do anything. So you start looking to interact with others just to have some enjoyment. Hence why I'm enjoying some makeup artistry and just getting my feet wet and have to learn a lot very quickly.

Edited February 24, 20241 yr by Mopar1973Man

Well, I'm still here and doing good.

 

 

This was a try at mostly blue makeup my eyes are a two-tone blue and only black was used on the waterline of my lower eyelid.

 

Now there was a stopover a Walmart. I was picking up supplies for myself personal and also medical stuff I use. Believe it or not, a guy from NAPA caught me in Walmart. Yup, he called me out which is fine but gave an update on the surgery I was doing. He was glad to see I was doing good and no I'm not shy about going out and seeing people dressed up in my Emo Goth mode. People around do care and want to know how I'm doing. One of my stops is the Council, ID NAPA store, and say "Hi" to the guys that supply me parts for all my jobs in the past. 

 

I've had some bleeding issues with my left bag. I made the appointment to have both bags and plumbing all changed again into my back. This time I made the trip in makeup and my light blue hair. Boy, I was so happy I did. The lucky stroke was the nurse I talked to on the phone to set up the appointment was the very same one I got when I showed up. He loved the look. While I was getting ready for surgery my doctor showed up and I explained how the ports in my back were very sore. My doctor said he'll upgrade my stitches on both ports to silk the replace fishing line-looking stuff. That in itself feels much better in my back. The surgery was a total of 15 minutes again I did it with no anesthesia again. I don't feel anything in my back as he removes but inserting the new tube it feels like my guts are moving in front of my belly. I was in and fresh bags and tubing. It's like from the center line of my hips to the back I'm more or less numb and don't feel anything. Now from that center line forward, I can feel pain when feel disconnected being the rear nerves are more or less shot. I was treated like a king during my whole time in the hospital.

 

After my surgery, I was released and was hungry. I stopped over to Golden Coral for a buffet-style restaurant to eat. While I was there the hostess that was working my section was making sure my drink never got to 1/2 full glass and making sure I was not running out of plates. She hung around and again people were curious. Very cool hostess and she made my time there simple and well taken care of. Personal Note: Yes my makeup work and appearance do make a huge difference in the way people treat me. Even with the shirt I was wearing which states, "Fun Fact: I Don't Care."

 

Show off how my makeup artistry affects people. This is the very next day I get a text message saying my meds are ready in McCall ID. Mark and I ran up to McCall to do some shopping and get supplies. Mark headed into the store before me as I was on a phone call and needed to finish first. As I came into the store this gal was kind of dancing to rhythm in her head as she was heading towards me. She spotted me and danced up to me and said I looked like I needed a hug. Then the comments about my appearance. She asked if my hair was a wig or not and she wanted to try it on and get a picture. She was giggling like a schoolgirl and enjoying the moment. I got my wig back and asked for my photo now. 

 

I kind of cheated on makeup that day being I was still a bit sore from the surgery and the tubes still moving inside. I did basic black and no color. I darken my eye sockets into my nose more so. Still, a shock to have a random woman just walk up hug me, and want to just be part of my fun moments. Even with the shirt I was wearing that day, you can't see, "Don't Like Me? F__k Off Problem Solved"

 

 

 

Edited February 29, 20241 yr by Mopar1973Man

Good to hear you are keeping up on things and a good attitude!

It's Sunday. Tomorrow I've got my doctor appointment in Riggins ID then afterwards head to Ontario OR to get ready for chemo. Oh fun...  Yeah I know I've got to do my treatments but I'm hoping I can get ahead of it and control my nausea like my last run. I never even felt sick on my second treatment. Maybe from what I learned I can do it again. We will see.

 

Here is my good news. I've now seen it twice now where my weak right kidney decided to pour the coals to it and exceed the output of my left. Yup it seems my right kidney is trying to play catch up. Then the Sour Tsunami I'm smoking tends to make it so a pee normally by opening my tubing between my kidney and bladder. Some things are starting to change in me more and more. I'm starting to win it seems. 

 

Also it's been very strange to have people that are more so in my world and how they support me. Compared to the ones that said "I'll Pray for you" those people vanished. I've got people of all walks of life that are there for me and trying to help me even by being there in a phone call. I've got people trying to heal my body with idea, then ive got people that are healing my heart, some that healing my soul. This is much more than having a parting comment "I'll pray for you" then vanish into the darkness to never be seen again. To all those saying in touch with me I say Thank You all for being there for me in my dark times. Thank you for being advocate for me. 

Mike there is nothing wrong with praying for others in need. You have no idea what events God can influence and how much He knows, so you need to have a spirit of forgiveness toward others and not make them go away or by putting them off. A spirit of forgiveness is to forgive beFORE hand alway, having no contention bud 

 

There... that was your Sunday lesson for today, others too if they like.

 

How about being there for me? They say the phrase and leave. Gone. Not even there for phone calls. People quietly praying in there comfortable home isn't there for me. That not picking up the phone and even checking to see if im alive. Most of these people don't know if im even breathing being they have never called or stop by to see. I've got people that are actually are coming into my life to help me get things done im not able to do. I have wire work in my attic. Yes I've got a guy that is going to do it soon. Wire in my other camera, the existing camera for my security system. Then fix a fail on my part with my wifi antennas. Prayer isn't getting this done but people willing to be an advocate for me are getting things done. I've been that advocate for years for everyone else in the diesel community. Here I struggle to get simple things done like getting my trash hauled to the dump. Again prayer isn't getting the jobs I need done like cutting up firewood, splitting it and getting it stacked in the shed. This is why Dan Catherman a guy I know very well he is religious too but instead of praying he's now stepping up and being that man of action to help me get things done. Einar is another that will replace Jake soon and be renting my basement bedroom and be here to help me out and get things done like the firewood and keeping the stove burning. There is 2 people that being that Man of Action and not just praying at home. Yeah I've got others that still pray for me but again they call on a very regular basis of time. I've got another that we sit down and reading Bible verses together. But again this is more than "I'll pray for you" and vanish to never be seen again. HUGE difference.

Well this is chemo #3 another big one. I'm up this morning made coffee 2 cups and then later made steak and eggs and plowed that. Not I'm helping a neighbor/friend to get there new computer setup with Ubuntu Linux. I'm feeling fine and have a good grip on my meds and use of cannabis to have a normalish life again. 

 

Down side... im losing my hair fairly rapidly. Now since I've done my pre-planning I've got my wigs and makeup down to a science. It's to a point that I must wear a wig just to keep the loose hair out of eyes and mouth ans it just falls out. This morning shower I managed to plug the drain with my hair ball. So wig life will continue now. 

 

Hair problem is bad enough I wore my glasses just because my contacts are sensitive to the hair and how it fouls my vision. Yup this is how I rolled into chemo. All my staff love the wild look and something different each time. This picture yes my glasses are on but I wore them for the day since the frames are blue too.

 Glad to hear your doing well! 

Actually still doing pretty good today. I'm being lazy I need to hit the shower and get dressed.

Another day. Last night I was chatting with Erica and we ended the conversation. I packed up for my bed. Next thing I know I'm hitting my alarms to drain but forget my meds oh well. I slept good and woke up at 9am feeling good. Every morning I open my curtain to look outside and see the world. 

 

 

Another day. Takes me a bit to get really rolling. Like I know I need a shower being these vinyl bags have there own odor when combined with sweat.

 

Just getting showered and dressed is an hour project being all the extra step it takes to break down to get naked, showered, and back into clothes with all my tubing and bags hidden and proper slack so I can move. Yeah after nearly 3 months I'm getting used to it but don't like it. 

 

I will admit my last tubing exchange was awesome. With the silk stitches I'm much more comfortable and nearly zero burning feeling not like the old mono filament that stuff hurts or burns all the time.

 

Like today I've got to get pulled together so I can snag Erica come down and hang out for the weekend. Then Monday I've got doctor appt where I've got a fasting lab blood draw. Then Tuesday back to the chemo again. Oh fun install the mini hangover. 

Wow, I been gone too long.  Glad to see you got some great people taking care of you and that you’ll continue to be around awhile longer.   The big “C” sucks, wife had it and now my father in law just started chemo as well.  I think he will be on some form of chemo for the rest of his life though.   
 

You weren’t doing the lipstick yet when you came down last time were you?   I remember the eyeliner and you had a couple cool wigs.   Some of the stories you got about your interactions with people were pretty crazy too.    
 

You have my number man, I’m not much for giving advice but I’m a good listener. 

@Sycostang67 you've been out of the loop quite a while I've expanded my make up quite a bit adding color and the lip stain (bit different from lipstick). My crew for chemo still love the idea. Even outsiders love the look. I comments all the time for my looks. Ive had forum members on the phone walking through a Winco in Boise and have the member ask me to repeat what someone would say for comment to me. 

 

As for today I got my labs done. Set a second appt to have my dressings and bags changed today. Being this is really my first time in 5 days doing makeup I tend to default back to basic black. Too much like work when your feeling crappy and lost your edge for smooth straight lines being my hand tend to shake at times. I've got my cheats I do to get by. Then with my hair loss it just easier to wear my wigs than deal with the hair falling out in my face. Yuck!

As of today I'm now bald.

 

Which im glad i have got my collection of wigs. 

 

Still thicker hair than me!  

Stubble sucks on my black and blue wig. It snags on direction and slides the other. 

 

With all the loose hair on my bed I've got to wash everything to get the the hair of everything.

 

At least I can wash my head with out the fallout and plugging my bathtub drain.

 

The other problem of being bald is my head loses a lot of heat man its cold without hair or a wig on.

When my wife was doing the chemo she went and got her hair cut short and got several wigs.  She didn’t lose all her hair, probably 60-70% of it though.  There were a few times I found her crying in the shower covered in hair.   Still breaks my heart thinking about it.   Unfortunately her hair grows rather slowly.  It’s been over 2 years since the last treatment and her hair is almost as long as it used to be.   At least it grew back the same though.  My Aunt Kathy had breast cancer and used to have straight hair.  Now it grows curly.   

As I sit here playing Fable on XBox...

 

 

You have no idea how cold you get without hair for the first time. Wow it's shocking how cold I feel constantly. Thankfully I have my assortment of wigs which feels good and warm now. 

As of today I'm officially done with chemo. So all this time of doing my chemo I always dressed up and did my make up. Today I walk into the cancer clinic plain me. No wig, no make up,  etc.  Just my DAP shirt and jeans. Most of the staff did not know it was me.

 

As for my health I'm starting to have flow to my bladder and peeing like a normal guy most of the time now. I've still got tubing into both kidneys and bags but that is to give the best chance of healing for my kidneys. I canceled the final chemo because of my weakness and nausea was getting out of control. 

 

Now I can start to heal up and build my endurance and strength again. Still gotta be careful because of my tubing and bags hooked to my kidneys.

 

 

Yeah my hair is starting to grow back but we are still getting off and on snow and rain. It really makes me cold without one of my wigs. People are more used to seeing my wild hair and makeup than normal me.

 

 

Yup that's how I went to McCall to go shopping for some food stuff and take care of meds and other things. Yes I'm doing pretty good but like I said I'm weak and can't walk a long ways without getting winded.