MoparMom

HexOrz, never apologize for defending God in your life. He is the focal point of Mike's and my existence here. God is getting bad-rap by the media. Blame everything on God. Man has been given a free-will and is responsible for his actions...not God. Yes, this tattered old ball that we live on is in sorry shape and the only solution to this state of affairs is to return to Our Lord and ask for forgiveness. Humble yourself! God gave us the 10 commandments as the rules for guidance. We threw them away and God too. And man wonders what's wrong? Look in the mirror and then bend you knees in prayer. It does't hurt. Your loss of freedom and liberty will give you big pain that will really hurt.

JL..when you and the wife decide to visit Idaha some time (in the future) let me know and I'll get Jag1 and his wife to come over from Oregon, and of course, Hex0rz and his wife to come down from Sandpoint, Id. Our homestead is open to all. Love Moparmom.

xcuse me gentlemen...but you want to cut through this beauty? Dorkweed if you tell me to cut down that giant maple tree and my troubles will be over, you're crazy. Can you imagine the hole it would leave in the bedrock here? Mike already ran the lawnmower through it all. Love Moparmom

To JagI and others who reponded to Mike's S&R activities let me explain a little about what takes place here in the wilderness area. A hunter/hiker gets lost and as night falls the sheriff's office begins to get the calls. There are 62 miles of canyon floor here covered with ranches, homesteads and spit-size communities. The call goes out to the S&R members about 3AM to prepare for a search. In a relay form, each member calls his partner or other member. A designated base camp is already given and to meet there at daybreak. At 3AM Mike has notified me that a search is activated and he begins to go in and out the door checking and re-checking is gear. He puts it all together, may have a stack of toast and oj., and sits down at the computer to kinda unwind. He's calling his partner in the middle of the night and bouncing procedures off of one another. Diesel (our doberman) is excited because he thinks he's going and he's racing right along behind Mike. It is still dark but daybreak is just over the ridge now and Mike goes out the door. Just another S&R!!!!!!!!

Let us hear from you regarding that 7.7 eq that we had in Canada. Are you ok? Let us all know. Love MoparMom

Just got a phone call from Pepsi and he states that they are bringing in fire wood and food, etc in preparation for this incoming storm. Flagmanruss, let us please hear from you and how you are doing, and all the other members on the East Coast. Let us hear from you, please. Keep us informed. Love MoparMom

Rogan, you asked if anyone does any transportation on the site, as you were thinking about a change. Maybe I can help. Go over to Baltic Dry Index.com and you will be researching ship movements from the East/West/Panama areas. Next you go over to Transportation Index.com and you'll see what is being unloaded. Right now both the BDI and TI are in bad shape. You can see local transportation in your own state, but remember, it is only local...it won't last. The BDI and TI can tell you more about the country/gov., then Wall Street ever will. If it's not produced, shipped and transported....we're dead. We're on life support right now. Don't make any sudden moves with your career at this time because the world is changing rapidly without your /my consent. Make some small/satisfying changes to your day....and hang on for a while. Love Mopar Mom

Your noble leader turned 42 today. I said Happy Birthday to him and he just grunted...it's just another day. He's all yours....

Beautiful...absolutely beautiful! I just read through the message from Hex and the replies that came forth from George J., Flagman Russ, and ISX. The voices of experience were shouting at you,Hex and they had a lot of support, love and understanding in them. They gathered round your problem, laid it out, disected it and came to the conculsions you've seen. Take their words and make it your Creed! I am very proud of all of you for taking the time to express yourselves to help another member out. But the important thing is that what was written by these gentlemen holds true for all of us no matter what we are trying to accomplish. I love you all for expressing the TRUTH!!!!!

Great ideas gentlemen! I'm glad I threw that lantern in as a news-worthy item because your ideas are very helpful. I can use all of them. Thank you Rogan, Randy and Russ. Now I'll wash out a milk bottle, get some solar garden lights and apply your sound principals. Good ideas. Really simple common sense, but it works beautiful, doesn't it? Love Mom

I ran into this great bargain yesterday with Mike. I bought two of these. They are excellent and definitely a plus for having on hand for an emergency/camping/rving,etc. http://www.harborfreight.com/12-led-hand-crank-lantern-96200.html

Dave Ripley I wish more than anything else that I could have had the honor and privilege to meet your mother. It would have been the highlight of my life! Two like-minded women trying to change the world...what a thought. There would be power in that combination, but since I can't have her presence..I have her son. You are a reflection of her and it comes across in your writing. You are a walking tribute to her, so she is very visible to me by and through you. Thank you for being her son. Love Mom

OK. ok! I'm here children! Now pay attention. If we're talking about Preparedness, we better be taking a case of action. If there is no action..there is no preparedness. Let me give you a current example that Mike and I have been working on and explains my absence for a day or two. Situations come up and you're forced to do something to prepare for your own safety and your home. Last year a rv was going by dragging a chain and it threw out a spark and the whole hillside went "poof" in a matter of seconds. We were enroute home and noticed the highway bulletin board gave the info as being 12 miles ahead of us. Mike stomped on the gas as we knew that fire was right by the house. We got home, opened the pond up for hoses and the irrigation lines and knocked out the neighbor's fire. So this incident in mind and knowing a holiday (July 4th) was coming up, I had been racking out pine needles in the drive way and filling up a truck bed full. We got to talking about needing more hoses to reach the distance, etc. One thing led to the other and we droved down to Boise to Harbor Freight to pick up 4 new hoses for our own personal fire line. The pond is filled and is A # 1 ready for the fire season. Now this is a part of the preparedness I'm getting at. It is not just stocking up beans & bullets. It is actually securing your home. We have friends in Colorado that are going through that same hell now. We have to take care of ourselves first, and our neighbors second. Basically that is the ppoint I'm trying to get across. What are you doing to give you peace of mind? Yes, if you're stocking up the food end...that's great. Grocery stores have food for only 3 days and them their's Panic. This is an issue that has to be tackled head on and no putting off. (DRipley..that means you too.) Coming back from Boise yesterday we drove up the great scenic 55. What a mess. We had boats, rv, campers and huge amounts of traffic coming at us. Everone was pouring out of wilderness/river/lake areas and we talked about the unemployment agenda because judging from the tidal waves of transit you would never know anyone was unemployed. See keeping your truck in tip-top shape is one thing but the greater part is securing the rest of your assets. That in mind...what are you doing? Better yet, what have you put off doing and why. The government is not going to take care of you. You've got to do that on your own.Love Mom

Hex run your ideas by me and for the sake of everyone else. I need the feed-back from the members and you can start a new thread if you wish. I also was thinking on the lines of shopping where the wives of members can let other in their state know about bargains they have run into. We post truck supplies, why no ecomize on the family grocery tab as well. Just thoughts in preparness. Mom

I thank you for the kind words...they are much appreciated. The question still remains to be answered about where is the Lighter Side going in this day and age? This is something Mike and I have discussed and I want to toss it out to you all to ponder, advise, concur and find a proper direction. My thoughts are gearing me to the preparedness theme since people are making so many life-changes. Now bear with me in this as I try to explain myself. Flagman Russ (love him and Shelia) has a club/recreational activity that puts him out in the wilderness doing things the old fashion way. He steps back in time. This is the beauty of it all, they do the cooking/camping in a rustic manner. Russ is a treasure-trove of information in that regard, and I like to tap his head on this one. The whole idea of a simple life ...getting along with less...is an achievement for us all. By the way Russ - remember when I said I wanted to get that camp fire ring, and cookout set up for doing the cast iron pots and pans? Well it was all made, welded and brought down to me by a wonderful welder in New Meadows and it is super. Spray painted it black and we're in business. Now direction-wise here we're not just talking about cooking out, we're looking at supplies. You ask, "Why am I thinking on this line?" Well, take a peek at the BalticDryIndex.com on a daily basis. This is transportation. This is import/exports. If we're not producing it and we're not shipping it, we in deep caca! If you don't believe this than order a case of Charmins cause you'r full of_____. We are in serious trouble. I just checked with my financial consultant in Texas and the fundamentals remain the same.....no jobs...no production. Nothing has changed that. Think about this and tell me what and how you would like to proceed. I'd like Russ' feed back on this as well. I know Wild&Free has some thoughts on the subject.

Ok, now you did it....you want to know the difference between the sites...here goes! When we began Mike & I were filming the countryside, places to eat, things to see, etc. It was a pretty world to share....and them this taddered ball we live on started getting torn to shreds and kicked around by a lot of unsavory men. The world went upside down in a short span of time and people began to have to make very serious changes in their life styles. A deep sadness fell upon the world and confusion reigned. I did not feel it was appropriate to act as if I didn't know or care about these things. We were all being tossed in a blender and my God what a mess we were told to drink. I'm not getting into a political debate here...but I sure as hell would like to scream my head off about the wrong we are being subjected too! These changes effected my town, my community and myself. Michael has not told you some of the things we have been doing....he kinda lumps things under the banner of 'having to go to Boise shopping" or some other heading. But in reality we have been running to keep a steady supply of food going into the Food Bank/Pantry at Donnley, Id. We get the rv and run down to get 25 lbs of potatoes, rice, beans, flour...the bulky items. Then these are put in smaller servings such as 3 lbs of flour in a coffee tin, 3 cups of rice in a ziplock bag, and so on and so forth. This is now transported to Donnley and distributed to the people between 9-12 am every Tuesday.. This is on going and continuous cycle. The increase on a weekly basis would stun you all right out of any comfort zone you may have. It is heartbreaking. So when Michael says we have to go shopping.....we really are...but for others. Now at the same time we have a dear friend that needed our help. She is a super lady that had the misfortune of have a husband that got caught up on Face Book...sought a divorce, moved out of state and threw away 36 years of marriage. It devastated her and family. This lady has a job that she works 6 days a week....and she is deaf. Michael and I became her ears and began to help her with her divorce. We went to visit her attorney, we typed the declarations, answers, and took her to see her attorney on a Sunday morning so she could go one on one with him. The joy of filming the country by ways was put on hold while we helped out our neighbors. Now toss in the fact that the guest cottage got flooded, and you can see the Lighter Side just got heavy. I'm here and I do keep my eyes on the happenings of the site. I miss communicating with all of you, but I have to help out in my canyon. Understand that I love you all and pray for you daily. Love MoparMom

(The Best Years in Life) For many years I used to go camping with family and friends on practically every major holiday. On the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years holidays, our camping outings usually began as soon as we concluded family meals and get-togethers and, more often than not, we would leave the family festivities and head down to a cabin we built deep in the woods on the banks of the South Sulphur river to camp out with just the guys. Some people called those outings "hunting", but I thought of them more as "adult Halloween" - because we would get all dressed up in our spiffy stealthy hunting outfits and then proceed to build a blazing fire, cook up all kinds of tasty and smelly treats like chili and sausages and steaks and stews and buffalo wings and you name it, drink too much, play loud rock or country music, howl at the moon with the coyotes . . . and pretty much run all the game animals off for miles around. The only things that usually got killed were several twelve-packs of beer and more brain cells than I now want to think about! But it was a male-bonding annual ritual kind of thing that went on for about 30 years or so and we had way too much fun - sometimes at the expense of one another. And sometimes fate steps in to lend a helping hand. Such as the time I remember as "the revenge of the jalapeno toilet paper". You see, my cousin Jeff, who actually owned the land we camped on and who is a world class prankster so long as the prank isn't pulled on him, always liked to harass anyone who happened to have the misfortune of needing to use the outdoor toilet whenever he was nearby. You never knew when a firecracker or gun is going to go off just outside the little building or a horse apple or rock get thrown into the side of the building with a loud BOOM, a lifelike snake get poked under the edge of the building, or the building suddenly shaken mightily accompanied by wild animal sounds. On this one fateful weekend, revenge came sweetly and quite by accident. It all began one night when Les, my other cousin and Jeff's younger brother, and I were staying up way past our bedtime, and way past Jeff's bedtime too, and we were doing our mightiest to finish off the Crown Royal and Wild Turkey before they finished us off. Finally when I staggered over to the shelf outside the cabin with the last half of the bottle of Wild Turkey on it, I stumbled a bit and knocked over an open jar of jalapeno peppers. By the time I could set the jar upright, the juice had already ran across the shelf and wicked into a roll of toilet paper that was setting out among our supplies. At first I thought, "Oh no, I've ruined a roll of toilet paper" because sometimes toilet paper can become a very valuable commodity deep in the woods. Especially if you've ever substituted leaves that turned out to be poison ivy . . . but that's another story. While Les laughed and poked fun at me for being such a clumsy "doofus", I remember thinking "Darn, if only it wasn't jalapeno juice maybe the toilet paper could have dried out and still been serviceable in an emergency, but this roll is going to have to go", but then I quickly forgot about it in the bourbon haze. Now, it just so happens that Jeff is always the first one up and his morning campout routine seldom varies. He wakes up, is sure to make enough noise banging stuff around and getting the coffee ready to wake everyone else up (because he figures that if he's awake, the rest of the world should be too) then he gets a cup of coffee, takes a dip of snuff, and soon heads for the wooden one-hole throne for a lengthy session. It's much the same at home, except at home he skips the snuff (snuff is kind of a deep woods campout kind of thing) and substitutes the morning paper for one of the girlie magazines he sometimes takes out to the toilet shanty. And, when he camps out he more often than not cooks up an evening meal so spicy that it will take layers of skin off your tongue, making the morning trips to the shanty pretty dicey for one and all. As it turned out, he had outdone himself the previous evening and cooked up a bowl of jalapeno and cayenne pepper laced chili that would have made Wick Fowler cry, and had laughed heartily at Les and myself when we tried to down a few bowls of the devils stew! Well folks, sometimes what goes comes around, or perhaps better put, it all evens out in the end. Surely enough, the next morning, at an hour when only Roosters were supposed to be up, Jeff, showing no mercy at all for our hangovers, as usual, loudly got up and banged things around while making coffee so that it woke the rest of us up. Resigned to the inevitable, Les and I staggered out of our sleeping bags, grabbed a handful of Advils and our morning wake up drinks - coffee for me and Coca Cola for Les, and tried to keep our eyes from opening too much so we wouldn't bleed to death. Then we shuffled over to the campfire and began to poke around in the coals and rekindle the fire to ward off the morning chill. Meanwhile, cousin Jeff was rummaging through the cabin getting ready to prepare breakfast and finishing off his second cup of coffee and snuff. All of a sudden he came out of the cabin door moving quickly, saying "Gotta go, gotta go! I feel a good one coming!" and he grabbed a roll of toilet paper off the supply shelf as he rounded the corner of the cabin and made haste towards the outhouse, red long johns flapping along the way. About halfway to the outhouse, he turned his head back towards the cabin and gave us a final comment, "Boy howdy, I sure don't look forward to this after that chili and jalapenos last night". I think the word jalapeno must have penetrated the fog of both Les and myself at the same time, because we looked at each other, looked back at the shelf and the now-empty space where the roll of jalapeno juice soaked toilet paper had been, and then looked back at each other. Les almost spewed his mouthful of Coke and I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Soon, all was quiet after Jeff entered the outhouse and Les and I looked at each other with big smiles, barely contained snickers and wide eyes. For awhile, nothing happened, and we began to wonder . . . but some things just take a while to work themselves out, and with Jeff they often take longer than with others. All of a sudden we heard an "OW!" and then another "OW", and then we heard "OH GOD!", "OH LORD THAT BURNS!" ,"YEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" and some other sounds that I'm not sure how to spell - but whatever they were, they ended Les's efforts to hold his Coke in his mouth as he spewed coke out onto the fire, making it sizzle and smoke mightily. It was almost enough to make me feel sorry for Jeff. Almost, but I was too busy laughing. Finally, after the noise abated to mere moans and groans, Jeff emerged from the toilet, beads of sweat all over his face, and he began making an awkward, bowlegged limp back towards the cabin and campfire. With one arm and hand wiping the sweat off his brow and the other one pulling the seat of his long johns back and forth and fanning his rear end mightily, he said "Man, oh man, that was about the roughest time I've ever had in the crapper. I'm never gonna make my chili that hot again!" And to this day, he doesn't know the real story of the jalapeno toilet paper.

A paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that leads us down the garden path to an unexpected ending. Winston Churchill loved them."Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.26. Where there's a will, there are relatives

Wow! This is not one of those tales that you re-tell around a camp fire. No one would get any sleep!!!! I have a question for your father-in-law and that is regarding the apple it left. This is a kind act, if you want to call it that, but it is a social skill we all learn. It is kinda like saying, "Sorry if I scared you. Here's an apple." My inquisitive minds asks the question as to where did it learn this. This big-foot appears to have a gentle side to him contrary to the one the media protrays. Even your in-laws display no fear, just an acceptance of it.Yes, I want to see the pics and do relate more of your stories for us. I have a great respect for the Indian people and have studied much on their ways. There past is important to us today.

Hex...if you don't get to the heart of this story I'm going to pack a bag and drive up to Sandpoint and strangle you....you think what was outside that tent scared the hell out of you....you haven't seen MoparMom get mad. Now....get to the end of this cliff hanger...or call me.

When things in your life seem almost too much .... The Mayonnaise Jar When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, When 24 hours in a day is not enough; remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and started to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded With an unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.. The sand is everything else -- The small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you. So.. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. 'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked'. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.' Please share this with other "Golf Balls" I just did......

Now here you go guys/gals... http://krowness.blogspot.com/2007/09/7-reasons-why-football-sucks.html

Where did Piss Poor come from? Interesting History - They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married. ******* Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!" ***** Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." ***** There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: "a thresh hold". ***** (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat". ***** Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing death by lead poisoning. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. ***** Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust. Hence: The rich people or special people are called the "upper crust". ***** Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination of lead and alchol would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. The inbibers would collapse on the road. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence, the custom of "holding a wake". ***** England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night, "the graveyard shift", to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer". And that's the truth! Now, who said History was boring!!! So...get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these facts with a friend.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.(I have to remember this one) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. You're never too old to learn something stupid. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine,