Im a bit overwhelmed...

[hex0rz]

 Could use some prayers...

 

In recent development, my grandpa that has recently made his way into our family's life,  has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Hospice is coming in. I was just told today that it is twice the size of a walnut now. It's a vey aggressive and fast and rare cancer. He probably won't make it to fall of this year. He has a living will and a DNR.

 

Essentially its in his thalamus so it'll end up killing him through dehydration and starvation according to the doctors. His dnr states that he will not receive care or intervention. I get to watch my grandpa die in a cruel way. We pray he goes in his sleep instead of the cancer. 

 

As if it didn't get worse, my grandmother, who i briefly spoke about, whom i visited last summer, is currently in her death bed. They've disabled her pacemaker and they've stopped giving any food or fluids. She has had many esophageal issues. At one point it was perforated and had surgery. Then she had more problems with it lately and was going to get surgery. But then she got sick. That made it complicated. So now, instead of a surgery and going home,  she's sick and really dying. 

 

Both grandparents from both sides of my parents, passing away in a very narrow time frame. I was hoping to spend more time with them. Looks like there has been a change in plans. 

 

Mike, i can't say how thankful i am for your help last year in receiving your help. Despite how you feel about your actions it has at least enabled me to see my grandmother for the last time. 

 

... and last but not least, on top of this, I've been urinating blood. I've already gone in and the doctor ran a test. It is not a UTI. I'm concerned it could be cancer. The doctor was thrown off by the whole thing considering my age of 28. He wants me to come back in for more testing. He doesn't think it is kidney stones because i don't have any pain to speak of. 

 

I personally just don't want to end with cancer or dialysis. I just need some prayers from the mopar family as this has been a trying time for me and my whole family. Thanks...

 

And if nothing else I'm just able to vent to the world...

Edited May 23, 2017 by hex0rz

[BBHD]

Our thoughts and prayers to you and your family.  

[dripley]

As one who has buried all but one member of the generations above me and a couple of my generation there is just nothing easy about it. Even if they have a long and productive life. My heart goes out to you and your family for I know it is not easy no matter when or how a loved one passes. It seems to me the burden of death is carried more by the survivors. 

Edited May 24, 2017 by dripley

[Me78569]

On 5/23/2017 at 5:34 AM, BBHD said:

Our thoughts and prayers to you and your family.  

absolutely, 

 

 

My go to in tough times

 

Quote

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

[hex0rz]

Thanks guys. Yesterday i got a chance to do a video call with my grandmother while she was in the hospital. I'm happy to have had been able to. Because today i guess she is now in coma state. It was the final goodbye, see you later ill miss you, exchange. 

 

Ive been reading, the term is called rallying. People who are dying suddenly seem to get better for a while then suddenly pass. Thinking back i think this is what she did then,  because she was requesting to talk to everyone she could. 

 

She has been off fluids food for several days and the hospital said people last only a few days usually but can last longer. She was on day 7. She's one tough woman. Strongest I've ever seen. 

 

She was telling me about how people were talking to her(not living) and she wanted to see her dad. She said she could hear music too.

 

Regardless, I'm better now. I took 2 hours away from work to have the call and went back to work after. I made peace with it and seem to handle okay for now. When i get the message that she is finally passed, i may be different but I'll know it's finally over for her... i anticipate it happening sometime this weekend.

 

I've got family coming up for a big picture and the grandpa is going to be there too. That'll be the next one to focus on. Problem is he is kinda already gone so to speak. But we'll shall continue on and try to make memories anyways...

 

Went to the docs today for a follow-up. Retested the urine and didn't find any blood! Hey thought it was strange considering he said their test kit was maxed out with blood count on the first test.

 

I say it was the power of prayer! ;)

[hex0rz]

 Well that settles it, gma has passed. 0415 today. Shall i grieve, or shall i rejoice? A bag of mixed emotions. But when i think of this certain situation, part of me remembers:

 

2 Corinthians 5:

Awaiting the New Body

5 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. ² Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, ³ because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

⁶ Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight. ⁸ We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹ So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. ¹⁰ For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

 

not having her anymore, hurts in the aspect that i can't talk to her anymore or see her or share anymore memories with her. But one day, i will see her again! Amen!

[Wild and Free]

Just need to be happy with any time spent with her at all. My wife only knew one of her grand mothers and she too passed when my wife was young, my wife is the youngest of a generation and all were gone before she was born.

I was lucky enough to know my grand parents. Lost my Grand fathers early when i was in my teens and my grand mothers until my 30's.

Edited May 26, 2017 by Wild and Free

[dripley]

 Very sorry to hear of your gma's passing. From my experience rejoicing is part of grieving. If it were not for rejoicing the sadness would have overwhelmed me. All of this was made clear to me when we buried my father. We had service at our church and were to bury him in the courtyard. The responsibility of carrying his urn out of the church to the courtyard fell to me and my older brother. When we went to pick it up the weight of the urn caught me off guard and I almost fumbled it, all this with tears streaming down my face. At that moment I hear in the back of my head "Somebody get a dust buster, Dave done dropped his daddy". That slowed the tears and then just as if my father was standing beside me he started laughing and continued to laugh at me all the way to the courtyard. I was smiling before I got out of the church and felt as if he had is arm around me. 

 When the emotions overwhelm, find something to celebrate about her life. It will help sustain you.

Edited May 26, 2017 by dripley

[hex0rz]

 Hello all. Hate to sound negative, but i have had another recent development. I could use more of those prayers!

 

My wife's mother, is in her late 50s. She's had cancer twice in her life now. This time she informed us that she has what's called actinic cheilitis. Pre cancerous skin condition. Involves exposure to the sun without protection. It's not a generic thing from what i understand. She's undergoing treatment using a nuclear cream to start the process. But she told us she's done fighting if it doesn't work. 

 

I understand her sentiment as she's had a very hard life. I just ask for prayer from Anyone willing as i don't want her to end this way. Too many people around me leaving too soon...

[JAG1]

Prayers from Oregon if you think He will listen to a not so perfect Cummins addict. I feel for her and you, it's tough realizing what short time we have with one another. My dear mother is really up there in years and only get to see her twice a year. I worry too because I've gotten sun burned the last few days.

[hex0rz]

 Yea i guess what i should be doing is trying to add "youth" to my life instead.

 

The other tradeoff is that allot of commercially made sun screen is dangerous to your health also. So it's coming to a point where you gotta start making your own stuff so you know what's in it.

[JAG1]

I heard that too.... that some are worse and make the chance for skin cancer even greater. You hear all sorts of things that you never know for sure anymore.

 

I know that probably the most important thing is to try making our elders proud of what we are doing in life and try to make them have a good time as much as we can.

 

Life is so short, so on Fathers day I let my daughters shoot my Henry rifle as much as they wanted and they loved it. After the big bar-b-que we made up a game for cash prizes, of course dad did the pay outs, but what a pleasure to see them having so much fun. And my wife tried so hard for the big prize she kept blowing it. It was hilarious.

[hex0rz]

 In conjunction with recent schooling I've attended, statistics have been showing that elderly suicide has spiked. It's unfortunate to know that the elder no longer feel valued in this world. I suspect it has allot to do with them ending up in nursing homes and also not wanting to end up in a condition in a nursing home...

[dripley]

 Many of them, and I feel the same way, believe in a certain quality of life. My father died just a few months after mom had to bring him a bottle to pee in. He hurt so bad he could not walk to the bathroom. He had rheumatoid arthritis and the doctor could never find anything to could help him deal with the pain. He made himself get up and go to work everyday except the last few months he lived.

 He also confided in me once a couple of years earlier that he was not going to give the hospital what little he and mom had. so I guess there can be many reasons not wanting to go on. I always believed that he got tired of the fight and the pain and let it take him. 

[JAG1]

What a good Dad you had Dave. Makin me want cry hearing this. Did he believe in our Lord, King of Kings?

[dripley]

 Yes he did. He was very private about his religion, guess that is me too. I still tear up every now again just thinking about him and mom. I know there will be reunion one day.

 

 Hex, I wish I had something good to offer you to get you thru what you are experiencing. We lost my wife's sister when she was 52 to a very aggressive form of cancer. She died 3 weeks after being diagnosed with it. I was lucky to be working close by and my company sent another super to my job and told me to take all the time I needed to be with her. That took some of the sting out of it, but still some of the toughest weeks of my life. She went way to early.

Edited June 25, 2017 by dripley