Friday Funny.

[Mopar1973Man]

This picture might be listed as a bit border lined... Click show button to see...

 

[Wild and Free]

[Mopar1973Man]

My daily problems...

[Wild and Free]

You can tell a mechanic is different from the rest of the world because we wash our hands BEFORE going to the can.  

[Cowboy]

My daily problems...

 

That's nothing, you haven't seen what I look like by the end of the day.

[War Eagle]

A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville, FL.

He tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Last night, I beat the sh** out of a   flag burner and an Obama supporter."

The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss
your community service."

 

[Mopar1973Man]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

[Mopar1973Man]

Enuf said...

 

[dripley]

 A new government program.

[Cowboy]

[CTcummins24V]

madicare part g.PNG  A new government program.

 

Isn't it wonderful. The same wonderful people that have had my fiances taxes since March and never filed them. Now, I may be out of a house because the loan officers need her tax information for last year and we can't get them for to up 5 weeks...a model of integrity and efficiency. 

[Wild and Free]

[War Eagle]

Beer and the Wheel, a History Lesson!

 

The two most important events in all of history

were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.   

 

Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. 

Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans

were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

 

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.   

These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the

splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals. 2.  Conservatives.   

 

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.

This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

 

Other  men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off  the conservatives by showing

up for the nightly BBQ's and  doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the

Liberal movement.   

 

Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs,

and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

 

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the

elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.   

 

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.

They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.

 

Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

 

Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood,

group therapists and community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and

invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.   

 

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives

are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,

engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who

works productively.   Conservatives who own companies, hire other conservatives who want to work for

a living.

 

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the

production.  Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals

remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created

a business of trying to get more for nothing.

 

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily

respond to this post.   A  Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the  absolute truth of this history

that it will be shared  immediately to other true believers and to just piss-off  more liberals

 

And  there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. 

 

I'm going to have another beer.

[War Eagle]

WHAT CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY!

 

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

 

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Wise man not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
              
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
    
And, CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY.
 

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
         

[War Eagle]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.

'Pencil', however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves.

 
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. 

The men's  group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'),   

1. because: No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible
later retrieval;  and use

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.   
(THIS GETS BETTER!) 

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be  Masculine
('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have got a better model.

The women won.

[War Eagle]

Where oh where to put #44.

George Washington, our nation's first president 
and leader of the American  Revolution!
 


Abe Lincoln,  honorable leader who pulled
our nation through its darkest  time!


Alexander Hamilton,  founding father, first Secretary of the Treasury and  leader of the constitutional  convention!


Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory "
fought the British in New Orleans! 


Ulysses  Grant, Union army general,
led the North through the Civil  War!


Ben  Franklin, genius inventor, political theorist
and leading  author of the Constitution.


Finally, we have  someone to put on the food  stamp!!!

Obama's policies have put more people on welfare than any president before  him,

so this placement is most  appropriate.  Unlike the Nobel  Peace Prize, for which

he did nothing, this is an "honor"  he richly  deserves.  

 

[War Eagle]

[Mopar1973Man]

 

Custom failed exhaust...

[Wild and Free]

Looks like drive pressure will not be an issue or maybe its a Pre - waste gate.

[dripley]

  everything!!!!!