My cancer returned.

 

Started bleeding Monday night light then it continued to get worse. Wednesday morning I got up went down talked to Mark informed him I'm heading to the hospital. Then woke Jakob up and also informed him. Got dressed and hauled for McCall ID to the hospital. Spent most of the day up there with tests and CT scans. Then informed i was discharged and to pack my stuff and haul to Boise ID. I made it here by 7pm. I'm in good hands even talked to my doctor this morning and should have my surgery by this evening.

 

Now at this time I'm hoping for all M73M.com  staff to step up and keep an eye on the site. I'll do what I can from here. I do have my laptop. One thing I'm short of is my updated password book. Opps. 

 

I did contact @Doubletrouble and he's going to keep eye on the site too.

7 hours ago, JAG1 said:

 

I am very glad to hear you are stepping back and taking a good long look at life and thinking about new fun and some interesting directions. At the same time making it a bit easier and happier for yourself. Livin in the mountains helps a bunch

Not really now with all my medical stuff I'm forced to travel to Boise for everything. Like my local St. Luke's hospital does not have any of my supplies. Dressing for my back yup all the way to Boise. Need to replace a damaged bag. All the way to Boise. That's the down side.

 

Right now with the crappy weather and Boise street are not plowed. Makes for really interresting travel. Leave Boise get up near Payette the roads are excellent.

 

Then last night I was fighting a head cold and fever. Yeah I got it from Boise of course.

Can you buy extra items to have on hand Mike? Soon everything will be back on an even keel and you'll get it back together.

Only if I drive all the way to Boise. No supplies up here. Even then I'm just about broke waiting for medicaid to get fired up.

Little update. I'm still here and alive. I did go see my doctor for my post op meeting. Now my chemo might be first or the bladder might be first based on how deep into my bladder muscle the cancer. Either way it's coming out. The nice part my doctor is going to set up my chemo treatments in McCall. 

 

Sadly I got home fighting a head cold. Oh fun. First night at home I had many malfunctions with my bags that I had to keep stripping blankets off that got wet. Then changing clothes to back to bed. Bad night and being sick really was rough.

 

Last night I tried a new idea and it worked out great. I can now sleep on my side once again. YEA!  What ever side is down remove that bag from my leg and lay the bag on my bed. I've got to leave a lamp on so I remember the bag is there so I don't pull the tubing. I got some good sleep but 1am to 3am struggle with ports being painful. Just even the smallest tension is like burning pain. Nasty.

 

Today I'm bit stronger... but long way from normal yet.

Monday is about over for me as I watch the sunset here and the darkness creeps into the canyon. I've been dealing with phone calls with different agencies trying to get things rolling in the right direction. 

 

As for my head cold, I'm about done with it and my cough isn't much any longer but my energy is coming back and my mental clarity is there. I'm up hanging out in my living room and the only thing I'm fighting with is the sneezes. My sinuses are draining. I'm starting to think maybe I should do something like a Zoom meet hang out with me so people can see how I'm doing and also I can connect to other humans which I rarely see anyone now and spend most of my time alone. Not worth it to hop in the truck to go into to town to find a human to talk to. I've got a wonderful resource right here, all the members of the website can chat about what I'm up to and even help out with your issues. I will admit when you go from having daily contact with people to nothing at all for several days it is pretty rough and depressing to deal with. 

 

So when life gives an entire truckload of lemon we better find a huge bag of sugar and gallons of spring water. Let me make use of my time that I'm just hanging out around the house and could get a general Zoom meeting together even for a mere 40 minutes for now if the traffic picks up I will just have to buy the premium package for Zoom and then it unlimited meeting times. It would help me to get my mind off myself directly and be even able to chat with you all and feel like I've got purpose again.

 

Surprising what an OK night of sleep will do for a person who is fighting a head cold and cancer. I managed to get a shower today, got dressed, and managed to do more chores today without wearing out too soon. What do you all say? Wanna do this with me? Right now my entire life now is just learning how to deal with this new life of my limitations.

 

Just realize everything I've done in my life I've been guided by a higher power above. The first business I created was a car stereo and electronics which I had the shop name of "Sights and Sounds" and lasted a short time about 3 years. I shifted to "Cloud 10 Computers" where I built custom Windows PCs for many years I gave up on Cloud 10 Computers in 2008 due to the market crash. I flipped over and started doing Cummins diesel work from that point. Now with my current health issues, I need to rethink things. Well, why not make use of my knowledge of Cummins diesel and internet technology to do face time? 

 

Oh... Just know that I will never quit on the website. This my baby I'm not willing to let go of it...  

??? Crickets ???

2 minutes ago, Mopar1973Man said:

??? Crickets ???

Are you saying you hear them outside? Now in winter?

 

No. That I'm hoping for a response of my idea in my previous post but everyone is silent. No comments, no likes, nothing...

You could do a facetime talk addressing topics in general (ex: timing, turbo selection, injectors etc) with multiple participants or one on one consulting for vehicle specific issues/tuning etc.

 

Anyone else?

This was tried a few months ago with you, me, and @Doubletroublelogged on.  I could get the audio but no video at that time.  I think with every ones busy schedule trying to get more than a couple of members to participate is like herding cats.

One on one face time seams more feasible for a Q N A.

You don't realize how hard of a battle it is for me to just hang on here. Lack of ideas and dealing with my depression. Part of me just wants to give up and dump the website because of lack of response. Part of me doesn't wanna give up. This is why I'm trying to give myself some purpose again. Right now I have zero purpose no reason to post no reason to even check on the site. Can't do much because of limitation of income... 

Your health needs to come first, income earning second and then somewhere down the list should be the website. I'd encourage you to get all your health issues in order (chemo/surgery/etc, whatever they have lined up for you) so that you feel good about that aspect of your life, then everything will fall into place as you have time and energy. 

 

 

I realize this.... I know this is correct.

 

BUT...

 

Without anything to do but stare at a wall for the last month. I'm ready to give up at times because there is no reason to get out of bed. Right now I don't have the funds to even go to my next medical appt because my last stay in Boise for 2 days wiped me out. Right now my health is based on my income till feds start kicking in. I'm still waiting on paperwork so I can get funds to even continue.

 

THEN...

 

Being left alone for days with zero physical contact with people. I feel like in prison in solitary confinement. Little door opens once in awhile I might get something. Mentally it very tiring. On top of having to wake up every 3 hrs to deal with my bags. Quality of sleep is gone I might get 4 to 6 hours a night maybe. Which is a huge factor in mental health too.

 

THIS...

 

Is why I'm looking towards zoom meeting being it allows me to interact with another human and take my mind of my stress and possibly give me a smile and lift my spirits to keep me going. Everyone knows what is going on but everyone just leaves me alone now. NO phone calls. NO visiting. I'm even willing to talk trucks for free just so I have interaction with other to possibly save my mental state.

if you get despaerate, I could zoom a call and walk around my project truck and you all could laugh at my insanity.....beyond that, I'm not too deep into the engine (yet) to get into a 6bt discussion.

Like this morning I got up and had coffee then hopped in the shower. Got dressed and headed to town just get something to eat for breakfast and see another human in the wild maybe just talk to a human face. Which I told one of the owners of the restraunt about what I'm dealing with and she gave me huge hug. (OMG you have no idea how good that felt). Had breakfast and stop by another friend that work at Riggins One Stop. We chatted for awhile and I came back home. Jake left for work and here I am siting alone most of the day.

It's all good Mike. Strength isn't just knowing how to cope Mike. Strength also does not come from others, it comes from within. Facing adversity with a faith that, in spite of your doubts, you dig deeper into your soul with Jesus and the Father until you can give, patiently and allow it the full breadth of time.  You will be stronger by never giving up on faith and enjoy a very simple real hope and happiness from within. You have to be a true unending believer is the key my friend.

6 hours ago, JAG1 said:

It's all good Mike. Strength isn't just knowing how to cope Mike. Strength also does not come from others, it comes from within. Facing adversity with a faith that, in spite of your doubts, you dig deeper into your soul with Jesus and the Father until you can give, patiently and allow it the full breadth of time.  You will be stronger by never giving up on faith and enjoy a very simple real hope and happiness from within. You have to be a true unending believer is the key my friend.

 

Seriously just makes me wanna give up completely.

 

Every time someone brings up prayer because no matter how much I ever prayed it not fixing the bag that is pulling apart and leaking down my leg this morning. The fact I've had to strip my bed because it smells like piss again. Prayer is not doing my laundry for me in the middle of the night. Prayer is not showering me to get the smell of piss off my body.  Prayer is not changing my clothes for me in the night. I'm completely alone 90% of the time here at home. No one to talk to and no one here to settle my anxieties and depression. Prayer is not fixing that either no matter what I pray for I'm still here alone. Again like I said when you @JAG1 can explain why both cancer times are right at Christmas Time I'll listen but you have not answered that yet. Even though I prayed before both surgeries this time I'm a trainwreck and not fixing anything. Is praying dealing with the funding required to even get to my next appt.? Nope. Prayer is not dealing with the mental stress I'm dealing with. Prayer is not dealing with the 7 hours of driving I've got to do alone to Boise every time.

 

Too many people say the phrase "I'll pray for you" then turn and walk away... Have they done anything? No! Did it do anything for me? No! I've heard this phrase thousands of times but praying doesn't deal with any of my problems. Their prayers are not bringing me someone who is going to be an advocate for me and aid me through the tough times I'm dealing with all this. Are they here to help me to clean my house? Nope. Are they here to settle my anxiety? Nope. I'm still here alone. Do I still get up with the pain of the ports in my back? Yup.

 

I've to the point where every time I here I'll pray for you that it is the public's way of disconnecting from me and walking away. Because NO ONE IS HERE TO HELP. I'm still alone and dealing with every issue ALONE!!! No one is willing to just step up and be that advocate for me...

 

See when I was a whole person and Everyone had truck problems everyone wanted to talk to me about truck problems and solve them for THEM. Now I'm broken everyone bails out as the phrase is said "I'll pray for you and leaves and gone!" How is that fair? Yeah, I see a totally different problem that people hide behind the phrase "I'll pray for you" because they don't want to be bothered by my issues. Then they go back to their normal lives.

 

Tell me I wrong?... Show me someone willing to be that advocate.... I started this December 17, 2023 since then I've been fully alone most of the time. 

@JAG1 another good example.

 

ive been praying for anyone just spend time with me. This morning I got a call from a client as long as I fix his problem he is happy and bailed out. Again I donated my knowledge and time freely to a person but no person will do the same for me.They get me to be advocate for their problems no matter how many hours it's takes.

 

I'm still asking for someone to push past I'll pray for you and do the very same thing I've done for 20 years for everyone else. But I hear the same easy phrase... Ill pray for and they are gone.

 I'm up for a zoom call over the weekend if we could coordinate a time that works for a few of us I'm up for it