Stuff Woodburners Should Never Hear……………or Say

[dorkweed]

I felt sorry for the "gas" man when he came to read the meter………..he took a "double-take" when he read it………..he looked so sad.I "season" my firewood with salt………….it dries it out faster.

[IBMobile]

and tastes good too.

[dorkweed]

I just hate the idea of being self-reliant…………………..so does the gas companyI get all my firewood from the gas station down the road……………….it's so convenient

[JAG1]

Honey, I put this big log into the woodstove but can't shut the door. Well pull it out! No, I can't it's blazing like mad :stuned:What's this lawsuit for criminal trespass?I'm sorry honey I was caught cutting firewood on the gas company's land.

[Mopar1973Man]

Another version..."Honey I put a huge piece of wood in the stove and the door wouldn't shut right so I forced it and blew the glass out."(Oh shizzle moment in life to call 911)

[dorkweed]

The stove manufacturers recommended minimum "clearances" are way more than is really necessary.

Seasoning is over-rated…………..I dry the wood for my next load by the stove while it's burning.

Pine "makes" too much creosote to burn.

- - - Updated - - -

Why do you work so hard cutting, splitting, and stacking wood?? My answer…………"It's easier than shoeing horses and then paying for the natural gas." I also "like' doing it!!

You don't have to burn "seasoned" wood in a catalytic wood stove.

Fresh split oak is way better than 1 year seasoned box elder…………………..not.

[JAG1]

Honey, the Orkin Man said the $100,000 termite damage came from firewood stacked too close to the house.

[Mopar1973Man]

Honey, the Orkin Man said the $100,000 termite damage came from firewood stacked too close to the house.

A variation of that... Honey the Fire Investigator said the house was a total loss because you stacked the firewood under the deck. :banghead: (Actually this is a really common problem out and very real!)

[diesel4life]

Shoot around here I see people stacking wood ON their porch to keep it out of the weather.JR

[hex0rz]

I can see the hazard that it may pose, but really, what is the problem with that? If you can light some wood on fire stacked out in the cold, you already have a problem on your hands way before the stacked wood catches...

Edited December 14, 2013 by hex0rz

[Mopar1973Man]

Common for wildland fire problem having a ember drift into your firewood pile.

 

A variation of that...Honey the Fire Investigator said the house was a total loss because you stacked the firewood under the deck. :banghead:(Actually this is a really common problem out and very real!)

 

 

I can see the hazard that it may pose, but really, what is the problem with that? If you can light some wood on fire stacked out in the cold, you already have a problem on your hands way before the stacked wood catches...

 

Having a ember drift into your firewood pile. Either from a chimney fire or wildland fire.

 

Oh... I scared my neighbor down the road so bad about chimney fires he came up last night and barrowed my chimney brush.

[JAG1]

Honey how come all the trees are dieing around our place?

 

Oh shoot! That guy said the wood might have pine beatle :huh:

Edited December 14, 2013 by JAG1

[dorkweed]

The glass is "black" on my stove…………………….but I"m sure my wood is dry!!

 

 

 

This wood is"TOO" dry…………….I can't burn it in my stove.

[Wild and Free]

The stove manufacturers recommended minimum "clearances" are way more than is really necessary.

Seasoning is over-rated…………..I dry the wood for my next load by the stove while it's burning.

Pine "makes" too much creosote to burn.

- - - Updated - - -

Why do you work so hard cutting, splitting, and stacking wood?? My answer…………"It's easier than shoeing horses and then paying for the natural gas." I also "like' doing it!!

You don't have to burn "seasoned" wood in a catalytic wood stove.

Fresh split oak is way better than 1 year seasoned box elder…………………..not.

 

 

You been watching how I do things?

Not that the wood isn't dry and seasoned..just wet from the snow and rain carrying it in from the weather it tends to be wet, I store mine in the open uncovered and unprotected away from the house.

 

On several ocassions I have had my stove and the chimney pipe glowing red from super dry fast burning cotton wood.

Edited December 20, 2013 by Wild and Free

[dorkweed]

You been watching how I do things?

Not that the wood isn't dry and seasoned..just wet from the snow and rain carrying it in from the weather it tends to be wet, I store mine in the open uncovered and unprotected away from the house.

 

On several ocassions I have had my stove and the chimney pipe glowing red from super dry fast burning cotton wood.

Jesus is watching you!!!

[Mopar1973Man]

(Some oldies I've heard way back when...)

 

I'm breaking up my furniture because cause I'm out of firewood.

 

Snow is too deep to get firewood.

 

I'm burning newspaper logs for heat.

[JAG1]

Jesus is watching you!!!

So is the NSA.

Edited December 22, 2013 by JAG1

[JAG1]

Honey....I fell against the stove, burnt my bun , has 6 inch blister.'' :omg:'', she says, but our insurance got canceled.... Yeah, Hurts like hell.

Edited December 26, 2013 by JAG1

[dorkweed]

Honey....I fell against the stove, burnt my bun , has 6 inch blister.'' :omg:'', she says, but our insurance got canceled.... Yeah, Hurts like hell.

 

 

Insurance POV……………………….you need a trip to the eye doctor!!!  

[AH64ID]

Your hard wood is making me so hot n sweaty....