Over 2 Yrs For A Divorce

[MoparMom]

For over two years Michael & I have been involved in a legal matter that we were unable to tell you about because we were in and out of court. Betty is our rural postal carrier & over 2 years ago her husband sold off everything he could lay his hands on to (guns, property, atvs etc) to raise cash, filed for divorce and then fled the state of Idaho. Betty was hit broadsided! She came to Mike & I for help. Now Betty is an abuse and rape victim but Betty is also deaf. She works 6 days a week and could not see how she could contest a divorce. Mike & I set to work to put in a method to assist her. We went to meet her attorney, Steve F. (appointed by Rose Advocates/abuse chapter) who is located 3 hours away in Fruitland, Id. We then set up the communications for e-mail here so we could quickly expedite Betty's legal matters. Steve could then call us, e-mail, etc., and we relaid to Betty. We set up appointments so that we drove Betty down there on Sunday morning to confer with Steve. We were there every step of the way. Our dining room table began to pile high with legal papers regarding interrogatories, motions, inventories of house, garage, house appraisal etc. The pile grew on the table and it was a daily reminder. We had court appearances in Grangeville, Id., that is a hour away. Mike had the deathly fires of the summer, and we ended up in court for 5 hours instead of a 15 minute appearance. There was a lot of help that came in from other neighbors when word got out to help Betty. Now everyone was under the impression that Betty could read lips....wrong! I soon realize that she could not. If you're delivering mail in the backcountry, you don't communicate that much...you read their mind. If someone hands you a letter and says, “How are you?” , you can see where you are just used to a jester and a verbal lip response. An abuse victim does not get an education in lip reading. So we had a challenge before us and we work are way around it by the grace of God. Mike & I scheduled our conferences with Steve F., every time we had to be in Ontario, Or., on errands for the house. Papers got delivered, picked up, and we kept Betty informed at all times. If Steve F., needed to talk to Betty we set up the time here, put the speaker/phone on, Steve asked the question of Betty, we relay question to Betty, she answered and Steve could hear her response. And life went on and we we progressed until last year when Steve and the Judge got into an argument and Steve had to step out of the case because this Judge was hostile. Steve took his complaint to the Idaho Bar Assoc., and helped us move to another attorney having only a 2 weeks notice before the court. This was madding time!!!

All this paper work was now going to a new attorney, Chuck S. in Lewiston, Id. Instead of a 3 hr. drive south, we were driving 3 hrs., north. Since over a year had gone by Chuck S., insisted that we do the house appraisal, garage, inventories all over again. House value dropped again. Betty wanted to keep the house and give her x-husband the inventory of the garage. We went into Court on Oct.28, 2013 and the case was settled. The contents of the garage took until last Sunday for the removal of the same.

 

So we could not tell you what was going on due to the legalities, but we're glad it's over. Really nice to get our lives back. Love Moparmom

[joecool911]

Great to hear its over! She will need support now to help her feel like she's got her life back. Don't let her feel like a victim for too long. Gotta build up her confidence and self reliance. I'll pray for her. Whether or not she's a Christian, god does answer prayers in hopes of changing lives for eternity.

[Wild and Free]

I applaud your efforts to help someone in her situation!

 

I know how it is from my parents personal divorce which too lasted for over 2 years and went to the ND supreme court as they were married for a few months short of 25 years and there was a large farm involved and my mom never had any job off the farm that really was much more than a hobby or volunteering.

She was awarded 50% of the value of the entire farm. My father was at fault and disappeared with another woman for several months. I helped my mom out with all of her legal issues until she passed, the divorce happened in 1993-94 and I finally got closure to final aspects of it just a few months ago even though she died last feb. there was a large farm trust my grand father set up and my dad was a beneficiary and once my grandmother passed my father had to pay a portion of that to my mothers estate as well. So in essence my folks divorce took 20 years to be finalized. In the end the Nursing home and the attorneys got all of it and then some.

 

My mom had MS and that I think weighed on my dad and he didn't want to deal with the long term consequences of it but he wound up paying for it and then a whole lot more in the end. I now have a half brother that is about 14 that I have never met and do not know either.

 

In the end I lost a relationship with my father and I left the farm as a result and have not talked to my father since.  We are both extremely stubborn but he screwed up and I will not break until he mans up and comes forward with an apology to me.

 

But I would do it all over again in a second to help someone innocent and sick like my mother was.

Edited February 3, 2014 by Wild and Free

[MnTom]

I know the feeling of long drawn out legal issues too. My mother in law passed away about 14 years ago and her estate is still not settled. We owe an attourney about $37,000 and it is still ongoing. Unfortunately that is what happens when one out of four tries to grab everything for themselves. In the long run it has probably cost me about $65,000. Families are fun...........

[ISX]

There are so many forms of needs and wants but it is always interesting how people pick the materialistic forms.  My parents have always been that way.  Every Christmas was overdone, every birthday was full of presents.  My dad is an engineer so it was almost mandatory that he build a big garage and fill it with every tool you could imagine.  He has everything from plasma cutters, welders, mills, cherry pickers, and every other tool you could think of in there.  

 

In the middle of 2013 I moved away to the big city to do some more college and just get away from my parents.  I have an apartment, I have no garage, no nothing.  At first I felt helpless.  I worked in a machine shop for years so losing the ability to make whatever I wanted because of a lack of tools seemed so depressing.  I brought the injection pump to my dinner table, same with a turbo off a power stroke, and I tore them down where they have indefinitely been sitting.  Every time I want to do something, I have to go buy the tool or drive an hour and get it from my parents'.  

 

As time went on, I realized this materialistic thought process that my parents seemed to be instilling in me was not a very fulfilling one.  You always wanted more, always needed another tool, always wanted to make something you probably didn't even need.  I've spent hundreds just tinkering, if not over a thousand.  It is fun while it lasts and the knowledge you gain is priceless.  However, it is still an item.  Something lifeless, albeit unique, it cannot do more than what you allow it to do.  

 

The more I went on, the more I realized how little I cared for items and how much I cared for something real, something valuable that could be taken and given without the manipulation of greed.  Things such as input amongst each other, friends, lovers, etc...  They have become the centerpiece of my life and every day I go on, the more I try to break any and all ties to anything that holds no true life.  I use things that directly link me to things with life such as this place or read about stories or news articles.  Then other times I might go out and do something with people.  These things are priceless.  You cannot price friendship, honor, respect, experience, .....   They are the things I want most and no item can take the place of it.  

 

A while back i lost thousands upon thousands of pictures I had taken of vacations, friends, family, things to help you guys, everything.  I blinked, said some choice words, and moved on.  They can be replaced and the lifelike memories that are inside your head are the true values you hold onto.  

 

I live incredibly modestly at this point.  I might slowly make my place a little fancier but I have no attachment to any of it.  It is the people I know, be it good or bad people, that I truly worry about.  I know so many people who place an item above the priceless things I mentioned and it is terrible.  Things can be replaced, priceless things cant.  It is just amazing that people who used to love each other can become so evil as to turn items into something that is prized much more than the relationship they once had.  Items of great value (rings, etc) should be sold and the money split, or she gets the $5000 ring and you get the $5000 lawn mower.  There should be no debate, no hostility, but thats all there seems to be anymore.  I wish people would see the world without value, where only priceless things are valued.    

[volkswagon]

Fantastic ISX.

[MoparMom]

To Joecool....thank you for the prayers.  Keep them coming.  When Betty comes over I'll let her read your note.  Mike wants to teach her how to use a computer after he builds one for her.  I'll ask her to reply to your words.  She is a very religious lady.

To W&F and MnTom....I'm so very sad to hear about your legal escapades.  My God how these divorces destroy families and loved (past tense) one at the same time.  For both of you gentlemen, you can still feel the hurt in your words.  It never goes away does it?  Going through this divorce action revealed to me the ugliness of a liberal/dishonest/should be dis-bared judge.  The rotteness of the legal system, the pain that comes to all the family members, and the discrimination the court itself displays to the deaf handicaped.  I mean we were subjected to a lot of hostility and plain rudeness that really is a wake-up call.  Old attorneys are bailing out of the system, and the young one coming in are supporting the liberal judge no matter what.  There was a young man before the judge on a minor offense and the judge looked down at him and said, "Do not open your mouth or attempt to speak to me.  I will talk only to your attorney."  Kiss the freedom of speech farewell even in small town USA.  You both talked about the attorney fees, and they are outrageous!  Our attorney had requested a phone conference rather then drive 4 hours up to Grangeville from Fruitland for a 15 min., court appearance.  He did not want to bill Betty for all that mileage, etc.  The judge got so mad he said, "If I want you before me for 3 min., you'll drive up here and bill your client accordingly."  That was against the law!!!!  I learned that if the attorney comes from another county....he'll automatically loose his case.  The judge caters only to his local attorneys.  Prejudice?  Oh my, yes!  There is no justice Gentlemen.  It died!  Love Moparmom

[joecool911]

Death and divorse seem to bring out the worst in people. Both situations have plagued my family. There are a couple in my family who seem to think mom and dad's money is their only salvation. We've lived as though we won't get any of it. Won't get upset if they end up with all of oarents money. It will be gone before long and we will still be plugging along as usual. We own out home and two rental properties. They seem to think we live charmed lives. Lol. No cable tv, just got our first flat screen tv. Don't buy new vehicles. Wife clips coupons. Heat with wood we cut. Etc..

[hex0rz]

...not that I'm counting on it, but I told my wife, "If we ever divorced, I would walk away from it all, you can have it!"

 

It'd be just me and the clothes on my back at that point...

[joecool911]

You should at least get some severence pay. Lol.

[dripley]

Marriage is much easier to get into than out of. I told my wife if we divorce we have 2 choices, sell everything, divide the money and give it all to our 2 lawyers or make friends with each other and split it where both are happy and use no lawyers. Neither way is appealing to me but the but the second seems best, but also seems fleeting.

 What you 2 have done for Betty is most admirable and I am proud to know you. I wish all the luck to Betty and both of you.

[dorkweed]

I'm dreading the day that my last parent dies.  Both are still kicking and doing pretty good  in their mid-70's now.

 

But I've got a sister vested in an "odd-ball" Christian church that I can see trying to "profit" "their" church with my P's wares after they're gone.  Thankfully, I'm in a position where I can spend the time to prevent this……………….and make sure everything goes according to my P's wishes!!

Edited February 3, 2014 by dorkweed

[MnTom]

and make sure everything goes according to my P's wishes!!

 

Good luck with that. Not trying to shoot you down, but my MIL's property was top stay in the family too, but GREED got in the way and long story shor there is a court order ordering the sale of the property and this has been going on for about the last 4 YEARS! My MIL passed away 14 years ago.

Edited February 4, 2014 by MnTom

[dorkweed]

Good luck with that. Not trying to shoot you down, but my MIL's property was top stay in the family too, but GREED got in the way and long story shor there is a court order ordering the sale of the property and this has been going on for about the last 4 YEARS! My MIL passed away 14 years ago.

 

 

Mom has told me that I'm executor of her "will"…………………Dad hasn't done so yet………………..But the P's property etc, has been put into  "trust"……………………….pretty hard to eff with a trust here!!!!

[MnTom]

I wish it was a trust. Nope. Just a chunk of land with four owners and no way to subdivide properly since there is one house on it along with a well and septic.

Back to the topic, my nephew just finally got his divoce finalized. He had been trying to get it done for five years, but she kept screwing with the proceedings.

Edited February 4, 2014 by MnTom

[LiveOak]

I think you may all find that after dealing with what was once called the "judicial system", you will find the insatiable need for a LONG shower. Unfortunately, no amount of showing, scrubbing, or soap that can remove the immoral, vile, and unconstitutional stench that most lawyers and the judicial system bring.

Edited February 5, 2014 by LiveOak

[joecool911]

I think you may all find that after dealing with what was once called the "judicial system", you will find the insatiable need for a LONG shower. Unfortunately, no amount of showing, scrubbing, or soap that can remove the immoral, vile, and unconstitutional stench that most lawyers and the judicial system bring.

But do you have any personal feelings on the issue. Lol.

[flagmanruss]

Mine was about a year & a half from the filing...  but the the money was gone before she pushed me out (or she would have continued to sucker play me).   Little to fight over.  We'd taken the income from my house (owned, rented out) to improve hers (signed to daughter w/ life lease)...  so I got to walk away. 

She did manage to screw me on a few things...  not in a good way...  It is my observation that no one ever gets as much as they deserve (or think they do).  Never.  In my state a separate property settlement is encouraged.  It is just that.  Not as much as you want or deserve but what you are willing to settle for.  In a sense, it's a game of chicken...  holding out can cost more or possibly get you a little more.  But how bad do you want it to be over?  

I gave up some property that I should not have (considering everything else)...  but in the end it was worth it.  I figure "I won".  How do I figure that?  Because I got it over & done with so I could begin the long healing process. 

Edited February 6, 2014 by flagmanruss

[anoldbiker]

Seems like when you feel you're really down in life, you can always find someone else that is a bit further down.

MM, you and Mike should walk proud, you deserve it.

She needed someone at that moment and you both were there.

You will never be forgotten.

 

Sad part, we all get there at one point or another in life. Just hope there's always that ray of hope when ya need it.

 

 

 

(And by the way, my divorce from my 1st wife took just over 3 years. We just grew apart and knew we needed to be alone at the time. We started the divorce in a friendly manner and ended it the same. The divorce rates were high then and the court wait time was long. I baffled us both. We wondered how long it would have taken if we were mad at each other instead ?)

Edited February 6, 2014 by anoldbiker

[MnTom]

Seems like when you feel you're really down in life, you can always find someone else that is a bit further down.

I learned that lesson about 14 years ago. My daughter way laying in intensive care in a coma after having a major stroke at the age of 24 years old. She even died twice and was brought back. During that time another guy was brought into the ICU following a small plane crash (he was a test pilot). Unfortunately he did not make it. My daughter is still with us and has given me and my wife three grand kids. I learned that no matter how bad you think you have it just look around (you won't need to look far) and you will find someone who has it worse than you.